Like Father, Like Son
by The Prince's Bride
Summary: The Prince of All Cosmos has a very peculiar life, even for a Cosmic Being. Although destined to inherit the throne from his narcissistic and often clueless father, a prophecy from a scatterbrained cousin throws all of that into jeopardy.
1. The Royal Entourage

_**Like Father, Like Son**_

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story. The Prince, the King of All Cosmos, the Queen of All Cosmos, and all the cousins belong to Namco. I will use parodies of other copyrighted characters throughout the story as well.

Setting: This story takes place after _Katamari Damacy_ and _We Love Katamari_, in the Great Cosmos…and of course Earth.

Any part of this story is subject to change at any time, including scene modifications, and the addition and deletion of scenes and characters. For now, this whole fanfiction is rated T, but later I may change it to M. Sorry that my summary is sucky, I will have the whole prophecy thing turn up in a later chapter, so don't get impatient with me, it will come.

**Chapter One**

This chapter is rated T for language, suggestive themes, and some crude humor

Chapter Theme: _Katamari March Damacy_—Katamari Damacy soundtrack

The Prince woke up startled and shivering. He sat up on the stone bench that served as his bed and looked around his small, barely furnished home. Something wasn't right; the Prince only woke up either by the rising sun or when someone uninvited was approaching, and it was barely morning. The Prince quickly but quietly slid off his bed and onto the cold, rough cement floor. Although he was the Prince of All Cosmos, his father did not allow him to live in the Royal Castle of the Cosmos or even on the planet that it was on. The King claimed that if the Prince lived on his own in the barest of necessities, he would rise into the stature and character of a true king. The Prince knew that his story was bogus.

After ensuring that the door was securely latched, the Prince levitated into the air, positioning himself right above the door. No one could sneak up on this Cosmic Being without him knowing. The Prince has had plenty of dangerous encounters with individuals, both mortal and immortal, who wished him gone. Although his parents taught him that a Cosmic Being could never be killed, he had heard of certain ways to make sure that one is never found or seen again. Thus, the Prince had learned how to fend for himself at a very early age.

What was that? A jiggle at the doorknob. What then started as a knock at the door became a loud, incessant pounding. Whoever it was, he was determined to come in. The Prince gathered within him what energy he could, which was much more than many other Cosmic Beings could ever hope to attain. Members of the royal family needed the extra energy to enforce their rule over the Cosmos. 'Well, whoever it is,' the Prince thought to himself, 'he will feel more than a little pain for barging into my home uninvited.'

Suddenly, the door was kicked in. The Prince raised his hands and lowered his smoldering eyes in preparation to deal justice, but he also restrained himself just in case it was best to flee rather than fight. Much to the Prince's chagrin however, he was greeted with a sound even more sinister than even the sight of the most grotesque creatures that haunted his dreams: trumpets and fanfare. He gasped as he gently glided down to the ground. A group of twenty angels gathered outside the door, along with a band complete with cherub singers. "No!" he cried, "Not my father's retinue!"

The most ornate angel of the group, Archangel Bianco, flew before the Prince, gave a quick bow (more out of custom than respect), and unrolled a scroll. Bianco read from the scroll with a flourish, "The most honorable, glorious, gracious, beautiful, impeccable, etcetera etcetera, King of All Cosmos, summons his tiny, miniscule, puny, and so on and so forth, but only begotten son, the Prince of All Cosmos (only said as a formality), to the most glamorous throne room in the universe, in the most majestic castle in the universe, yadda yadda to discuss the intricacies of the Prince's latest katamari rolling expedition, of which the King of All Cosmos will give his accurately perfect, unbiased, superb, blah blah blah, review of the Prince of All Cosmos' performance in the aforesaid event. The King of All Cosmos politely entreats his son, the Prince of All Cosmos, to attend His Majesty, in approximately twenty five minutes, although the Prince of All Cosmos is entitled to an extra minute or so if he wishes to be fashionably late. Thus ends this official, holy, and legally binding decree."

The Prince stood there for several moments, staring at Bianco with his mouth agape. Pulling himself together, he said, "Whaaaat! My father really made the royal scribes write that much?"

Bianco shrugged and said, "His Majesty actually had much more to say than was written in this decree, but the royal scribes narrowed it down to a manageable amount. Sometimes we think that His Majesty just loves to hear himself talk, honestly."

"But it's 2:00 in the morning!" the Prince protested, "What's he thinking!"

"Hah, you think you have it hard, Prince? Try being one of His Majesty's lowly angels, whose sole existence revolves around satisfying him. We have been up all night, because to make a long story short, His Majesty and the Queen had a bit of an argument, and the Queen would not allow him to sleep in her bed tonight. His Majesty has been keeping all the angels just as awake and miserable as he is. You sure are lucky you got to sleep this long, spoiled Prince. Now come along!" Bianco said and waved to two burly angels.

"Oh God!" moaned the Prince as the angels grasped his arms so tenaciously that the Prince felt his arms go numb. "So much for 'politely entreating' me to attend!"

"Well," Bianco laughed, "that's His Majesty for you. We are truly sorry, Prince, but we're only doing our job."

"I know, I know," the Prince sighed. The retinue began to fly away from the Prince's humble abode on his humble planet. The Prince looked back longingly, much preferring to be battling the demons of his sleep rather than facing his uncompromising father. He could certainly use the sleep; he was still sore from rolling around that huge katamari for the bird and elephant fans. He felt pains in muscles he never knew he had. As he wondered how his father would review his katamari, the Prince realized that he could have done a little better with the katamari's size, since there were a few clouds and islands he had missed. Then again, his father had kept pushing the Prince around with his Royal Rainbow, but of course that would be no excuse. He wondered if his father's review would be satisfactory or condescending and shuddered at the thought of the latter. The Prince looked forward, trying to clear his mind of all his doubts.

The Royal Castle of the Cosmos loomed into view. It was an imposing and stunning structure. The white walls of the castle were made of the finest alabaster, each of the gutters carved with lovely but painstaking detail into each of the animals that represented each King's reign—from daunting bears to raging bulls to majestic eagles to potent rhinos (or to 'adorable' red pandas as was his father's avatar animal) and so on. These images were prevalent just about anywhere both on and in the castle, to greater or lesser degrees depending on each King's influence. The windows were made of the finest stained glass in the Universe, depicting each King with his Queen. The roof shimmered with the hearts of a million rubies. The castle itself was surrounded by a moat full of molten, beautifully azure magnesium. Indeed, this was a structure fit for the King of All Cosmos, and it was large even by the King's standards, who himself was 3,200 meters tall. As the five-inch Prince stared at the eternally immense castle, he hoped that the castle would be an inheritance he would be able to grow into.

As the Prince and the King's retinue approached the moat, the retinue sounded with even louder trumpets and fanfare to inform the angels guarding the gate of their arrival. Within seconds, the golden drawbridge, lined with pearls, sapphires, and emeralds, slowly lowered to allow them access to the castle. The Prince often wondered why his ancestors even bothered to install a drawbridge or even the moat, since anyone who was anybody to the King could fly anyway. 'Oh, but of course,' the Prince thought sarcastically, 'it's a _formality_ and it's way more _kingly _to have a moat and drawbridge.' Truthfully, it was probably one of the few simpleton Kings of the past that had installed it. Yes, even the Cosmic Royal Family had had its dunces.

As the Prince was escorted into the main reception room, his eyes were drawn like they always were to the mighty golden lion fountain installed by his grandfather, the late Emperor of All Cosmos. The Prince wished that he could someday meet his grandfather; he must have been brave and proud to have a lion as his animal, but alas, his father never told him where he may be found, even though he was supposedly still around _somewhere_ in the Cosmos. The Prince had not even known that he had a paternal grandfather until his mother had told him about the Emperor a few years back.

The two burly angels finally released the Prince, and all of the retinue except for Bianco left the Prince to go about their business. Bianco motioned for the Prince to sit in one of the huge plushy pink sofas. He pointed to the current secretary, a lovely female angel named Lily, who incidentally was Bianco's wife. The Prince sighed; this could take all night. Bianco said, clearing his throat quite audibly, "I'm going to have to sort out your arrival with the secretary, so it may be a few minutes. You may as well make yourself comfortable, miniscule Prince."

The Prince hovered up onto a large, fluffy, hot pink sofa, but right when he sat upon it, he sank into its cushion. The Prince struggled to get out of the hot, stuffy sofa. He felt as if he were suffocating in a sea of pink. As he panicked, he could hear the muffled voices of Bianco and Lily, sounding as if they were in quite a heated argument although the Prince couldn't be sure. 'Crap,' thought the Prince as he thrashed about in the sofa. The Prince had inherited his father's nosiness, and thus always loved listening in to people's personal difficulties from a distance.

Finally, the Prince emerged into blessed light. He heard Lily say, "… didn't you come to dinner last night?"

The Prince used his miracle vision to view the ensuing conversation. Bianco was scratching his head looking nervous, while Lily was looking rather impatient. "Look, this is about the Prince, can't we talk about this later--"

Suddenly, a dense darkness loomed over the Prince. He looked up in dismay and was suddenly crushed deeply into the sofa. Someone was sitting on _him_, the Prince of All Cosmos! The Prince knocked upon the great behind, politely asking, "Excuse me, you're sitting on me. If you don't mind, I'm in a great deal of pain and would greatly appreciate it if you would get off of me."

The owner of the great behind seemed to not hear him, but settled further back into the sofa, causing the Prince to sink further into the sofa but at the same time nudged the Prince into the grand canyon of the great behind. The Prince began to sweat profusely in this humid environment. He was certainly in an uncomfortable predicament—if this guy/girl was someone important, or even a mere fan here to compliment the King, he would have to bear this insult lest he would want to suffer his father's displeasure and laser beams. Anything was preferable over feeling the sting of his father's laser beams. "Please, just don't crap on me!" the Prince begged even though he knew it was futile.

After what seemed like forever, the Prince heard a muffled voice outside, coming close enough to understand. "Prince, where are you? Prince! Oh God, he must have run off somewhere when we weren't looking! The King's going to kill me!" Bianco wailed, sounding like he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

The Prince screamed, "Bianco, you fool, I'm right here! Get me out of here this instant!"

"What? Prince, where?" Bianco stammered stupidly.

"Right here! I demand my release this instant or I shall trample you with mighty boots of iron as soon as I become King of All Cosmos! Same goes for this guy or gal as well! It's smelly and humid down here! The Prince of All Cosmos does not deserve to be treated like a piece of crap like this!" the Prince said, trying to sound serious. He had to choke back a chuckle or two.

"Excuse me, madam, could you get up a moment?" Bianco said urgently to the owner of the great behind.

"What, I'm not fat! Or am I? Oh well, I guess I will have to restrict myself to one piece of bread during dinner rather than a piece of bread and a carrot stick," said a very whiny feminine voice.

"Look, sister, I didn't call you fat, you just have something stuck in your crevice is all," said Bianco, never the assuming type, but then again all angels were like that.

"My crevice? Oh, you mean my butt crack?" giggled the girl. "Oh I do! I thought I had a wedgie or something. Would you like to get it out for me? I have tons of fans who would just swoon at the chance to do that!"

"Ehhh, no sorry lady," said Bianco, his face wrinkling with disgust, "Not even for His Majesty would I do that!"

"Hmph," said the girl, plucking a disgruntled Prince out of her grand canyon. "Well, the King better not complain when I decide to sue him! Hee hee!" The blonde haired, blue eyed, very anorexic girl grabbed the Prince in a crushing embrace, "Oh, you're sooo very cute and green! Can I keep him as a pet?"

The Prince flew up into the girl's face, fuming. "Now listen, I'm the Prince of All Cosmos, I'm not just some child's plaything, you, you---What!" the Prince exclaimed, flying back to Bianco, "Who is _this_, Bianco? What is a disgusting, human mortal from Earth doing here! Please, make her leave this instant! I don't want her soiling my future inheritance!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Prince. She is here at the request of His Majesty. This is the notorious singer from Earth, Tiffany Peers. She has had more admirers than the eye can perceive, and more lovers than the mind can imagine apparently, but only according to male pre-teen humans. Everyone else just ignores her. But the King wants to know the secret of attracting more pre-teens for some reason…"

"I'm glad I'm immortal, otherwise I would have myself checked for a disease," the Prince said and gave her an annoyed look, "Bianco, what if this…_thing_… needs to go to the bathroom like all mortals do?"

"Well, ummm, we'll deal with that when the time comes. You're such a worrywart, Prince. Now come along, we must not keep His Majesty waiting," Bianco insisted, dodging the subject.

"Hmph, I'm sure she's shedding skin flakes everywhere as we speak! For your sake, Bianco, she better not leave a little 'present' in the royal bathtub. I'm sure Mother would deal most sternly with you for that!" the Prince said indignantly.

"Prince," Bianco said with a smile, "shut up! The Queen would take that up with His Majesty, not me, at least I hope."

Bianco led the Prince through the Hallway of the Co-La-La-Lassus, the vast hallway one always had to walk through to reach the throne room. It was a great pain to endure through because the Royal Family basically utilized this never-ending room to brag about their rich heritage, great achievements, and imposing (and not so imposing) ancestors. Each King of All Cosmos always had at the very least five miles worth of hallway dedicated to them, more depending on the amount and quality of their achievements and their visual greatness. Considering that there was a King of All Cosmos since the beginning of all eternity, the hallway was seemingly close to being as long as the Cosmos itself, although one could not tell looking at the castle from the outside. Thus, the hallway was in and of itself impossible to exist.

Each section was distinctly different from the next, each boasting a huge portrait of that portion's King of All Cosmos, and of course, many idols and representations of each King, his Queen and his signature creature. Strange intricacies, such as mazes, paradoxes, shrines to peculiar things like donuts or cavemen, simulators of life on other planets, and anything else feasible and unfeasible to the mind were often found in each section depending on the King. The Kings also displayed the archangel(s) that served them during their term, and it always astounded the Prince how many of them Bianco had served in the past. Bianco may look and act young, but he was one of the most ancient angels of his father's retinue.

The Prince often wondered how there could be so much variation within his own family: some Kings were garish, some were simple, some were wise, some were dumber than a rock, some were prudent, some lived life on the edge, some were more serious than death itself, some did not know when to stop cracking jokes, some were profoundly pessimistic, some were annoyingly optimistic; the list went on and on—even among his cousins there were many differences. Luckily for Bianco and the Prince, they could fly at incredibly high speeds, but even so, it still took much longer than it should to travel through the monstrosity.

In a decent amount of time, they came upon his father's section of wall right before the throne room, as the most recent Kings were nearer to the throne room. Although his characteristically cute/annoying red pandas were dancing everywhere in this section, as well as god-like idols of himself and the Queen decorating every corner, the King also seemed to have recently added one of the strangest things that the Prince had ever seen in the Hallway of the Co-La-La-Lassus (which was a feat in and of itself)—a giant motif of the creepy Burger Tyrant, the mascot of the most popular fast food chain from Earth. The great Burger Tyrant effigy loomed over the Prince, glaring at him with dark eyes and frozen smile, with its ominous hands extended before him like he was preparing to molest an innocent child.

"Bianco, why did Father have this atrocity built?" said the Prince. This eyesore chilled him down to the bones…but strangely enough, he could not stop staring at it.

The Prince was not alone—Bianco had his eyes pasted onto it as well. "P-prince, I don't know when this was put in or why. He must've had a local artisan build it while I was gone. But you must admit, it is rather imitating, in a strangely arousing way."

The Prince did not reply. He slowly backed away from it, falling over as he did so and banging his head on the massive, gilded doors to the Royal Throne Room. "Well, this is it. Time to see what my father summoned me for," muttered the Prince, forcibly prying his eyes and mind away from the horrendous spectacle.

"Y-y-yeah," Bianco stuttered dreamily. Never removing his eyes from the Burger Tyrant, Bianco flew up and pushed the button that automatically opened the doors of the Royal Throne Room. But what greeted the Prince's weary eyes next made him groan in exasperation.

Well that's Chapter One...a rather tedious chapter for me, but Chapter One is always like that. I hope you enjoy it! I know I kinda go off on random deviants at times, but I try to make it at least remotely funny. Sorry if it's sort of lame.

The next chapter is fun, the King is in it! Oh, how I heart the King! Well, please R&R, keeping in mind that this is my first ever fanfiction (well, first that I posted anyway ). Also, in your review, tell me if you think Lalala is a boy or a girl. People tend to have mixed feelings about his/her gender, and I was planning a scene if she was a girl. But, I have an alternate scene planned if she isn't.


	2. Rendezvous with the Drunken King

**Chapter Two**

This chapter is rated T for sexual references, alcoholism, and violence. And I do stress the violence, someone on the KD message board I frequent was quite taken aback by the violence. Perhaps I made it too violent? Should I remove it? Please, let me know what you think in the reviews.

Chapter Theme: _A Song for the King of Kings_—We Love Katamari soundtrack

The Prince observed the jungle of dense, red, cotton fibers and cried out in despair, "Bianco, don't tell me my father installed new carpet! What was wrong with the carpet of clouds he had in the throne room before? How does he expect me to get through _that _to see him?" The fibers were at least two feet higher than the pint-sized Prince; it looked as if the fibers would strangle him if he tried to move through it.

"So what if His Majesty installed new carpet, dimwit Prince, you can fly, right?" Bianco said matter-of-factly. "Or does being vertically-challenged also factor into flying?"

"Bianco, I swear…" said the Prince, trying to stifle his anger. "I can't just fly into the throne room! You should remember what happened to me last time!" the Prince said, showing Bianco the side of his waist where he still had scars from his father's burning lasers, inflicted a few days ago.

"Oh yeah, I remember that! His Majesty has an anti-aerospace law in his throne room for foreign objects. He thought you were a beetle!" Bianco laughed. "Well, sorry Prince, this is your problem, not mine. I have to go attend to His Majesty, and besides, you smell bad. See you later, despondent Prince!" Bianco said unhelpfully and flew up and over the carpet.

"Well, what do you think, Bianco? I was left rotting in a mortal's butt while you flirted with your wife!" the Prince screamed at Bianco as he left.

The Prince focused his attention on the sea of crimson fibers before him. As he walked into the carpet, the light above him dimmed, filtering only slightly through the fibers much like it does through a jungle's canopy. The Prince began sweating profusely as he exerted every last bit of his strength trying to trudge through the dense undergrowth of fluff. Within a few moments, the Prince was tangled hopelessly in the carpet, cursing his luck. He certainly wouldn't get through the carpet in time at this rate, although he was probably already late to his father's meeting. But he still might have enough time to be 'fashionably late' if he hurried.

The Prince conjured a trusty scimitar out of thin air. Conjuring was one of the many flashy and somewhat useless powers of Cosmic Beings, but it certainly came in handy for the Prince now. The Prince quickly severed the threads that bound him and began blazing a trail through the carpet. Although this certainly would ruin his father's carpet and he would probably get in trouble, what choice did he have? Either way, the Prince may be forced to endure his father's biting comments—he just hoped that he could avoid the lasers. In moments, the Prince emerged before the Royal Throne.

And there he was, the one and only King of All Cosmos, with his gloriously blinding royal golden crown, within which the Prince sometimes practiced his katamari rolling skills. The King prided his own magnificent cleft chin, thinking that his chin was the reason he had so many fans and followers. The Prince referred to his father's chin as a butt-chin. The Prince gazed up onto his father, falling over onto his back as he did so since his father was so much bigger than he was. The King was currently wearing his 'fashionable' sky blue jacket with two big purple sequined flowers on the sleeves. A frilly white collar embraced the King's neck. He wore white, silken gloves, along with a golden wedding band on his left ring finger, his extravagant ruby engagement ring on his right ring finger and a massive ring that contained the Cosmic Family's royal seal on his right middle finger—a ring that had been passed down through generations of the Cosmic Kings and a ring that the Prince would someday claim as his own. Hopefully.

As the Prince observed his father, he quickly averted his gaze as he saw his father in his full glory. As usual, the King was wearing skin-tight purple tights, which not only revealed his muscular thighs, but also his mighty endowment. Although many women, both mortal and immortal, salivated as they beheld the King's huge package, the only woman who could ever claim him as her own was his wife, the Queen of All Cosmos. While the King absolutely loved to be praised and applauded for his outward beauty, the Prince knew that his father wouldn't want any other woman in the whole Universe.

And it definitely showed now. His father looked tired and depressed, his right hand idly twirling the ends of his moustache, his left hand gripping a wine glass. A large bottle of wine was open and half-empty, sitting beside his throne with several other empty wine bottles the same size. By now, he was usually carousing in bed with his Queen. It looked as if the King was coping with his sex-free night by drowning himself with wine. The Prince shuddered—he could never tell how his father would react when he was like this. He could be absolutely brutal or equally compassionate when drunk.

The King finally noticed the Prince, but only by a passing glance. The King said in his strange slightly Aussie, slightly goofy, yet still somehow kingly accent, "Nik, what are you doing here? We summoned the Prince!" The King then suddenly started laughing as he observed the Prince, "Oh, Nik, how you love to eat! You have fattened up quite a bit since We last saw you, eh? You have pleased Us today. Perhaps later We can convince the Queen to cook some yummy deluxe ultra-fatty and greasy deep-fried fudge brownies with a slight aftertaste of mint for you; that is, if she will ever forgive Us for forgetting to fold Our laundry. Oh what a sad day, the day she refuses to part her legs before Us!" The King sobbed as he downed the last of his wine in the wineglass.

The Prince glared up at the King, fuming. He still confused him with the other cousins, his very own son! Bianco flew up to the King, topped off his wine glass, bowed deeply in midair, and told him, "Your Sexiness, that IS the Prince! Of course, its completely understandable," said Bianco, laughing as he passed a glance at the Prince, "he is looking rather on the plump side these days, if my opinion is worthy enough to be regarded by such magnificent beauty as Your Sexiness."

The Prince stared at Bianco, simmering, but of course, he was in front of his father, so all he could do was stick his tongue out at Bianco. This was a little game Bianco loved to play. Bianco was the best at sucking up to the King while insulting the Prince, but then again Bianco had had millennia of practice serving many of the great Kings of the past. Bianco had probably played this very same game with every Prince of All Cosmos. 'Oh well, Bianco better watch his back,' the Prince thought to himself, grinning.

The King meanwhile, lapsed into a dreamy, distant state, muttering, "…Sexiness…Yes, We are quite arousing aren't We?"

The King suddenly snapped back to reality, focusing on the Prince. "Bad, baaaaad Prince, you are supposed to bow before Us. We thought that We have discussed this with you before. Or is the King of All Cosmos not deserving of your respect?" the King said, raising an eyebrow.

"How dare _he_!" Bianco screamed dramatically, pausing for added effect, "_Him_, a rebellious little vagabond..."

'Ack, he's on a roll! I better bend my knee now before he gets too carried away,' the Prince thought as he pressed his face to the carpet in the most humble bow he could manage.

"…whose sorry, pathetic existence is owed to you, the Almighty, Gracious, Glorious King of Kings, in which the stars solely exist to boast of your eternally splendid reign and in which both angels upon high and Cosmic Beings, both royal and common, rejoice in the fact that you chose to stoop down from the heavens just to give us the pleasure of beholding your magnificent façade!" Bianco finished on the same, overly dramatic note, smirking at the Prince as he did so. Usually the King would merely accept the praise he received from his angels, but chide them slightly if they were being too theatrical about it. However, the King was drunk—he certainly wouldn't tell Bianco to shut up, which is why he was carrying on like this now.

"Yes, ungrateful Prince, bow—oh you already are bowing before Us?" the King said, looking slightly confused.

"But you wouldn't make Nik bow before you," muttered the Prince, remembering when his father had confused him with Nik a few moments before.

"Prince, We did not hear you. Speak up when you talk to Us. We don't like being left out of things. Makes Us think that you are saying very naughty things about Us," said the King, still retaining his comically confused expression.

"I said, 'Yes, father'," the Prince lied, speaking in a normal tone of voice.

"Whaat? That was even quieter than before, disobedient Prince. Perhaps We should spank it out of you with Our laser beams," said the King, a flame beginning to spark in his eyes.

"I said, YES FATHER!" the Prince squealed in fear, cowering and covering his head.

"Please do not scream at Us, loudmouthed Prince. We can hear you just fine; We are not deaf," the King said stubbornly. Suddenly, he began rambling in that dreamy state again, "Oh yes, Prince, We were thinking, that word you call Us… ah yes, '_father_'…so bland, so ordinary, so mediocre, so not Us…" the King paused in contemplation, then added, "We were thinking… you should call Us 'sire' instead. Yes, so much more kingly, suave, debonair …sexy… like Us. Yes, that is what you shall call Us from now on, because We decree it!" the King said, signing and sealing an official scroll that the head scribe composed for the King as he was speaking. The scribe then flew down to the Prince, handing him a pink tinted scroll that was his copy of the decree. The Prince sighed (he hated it when his father was like this) and quickly folded it into a paper crane, mentally directing it to fly to his house. The crane came to life and flew out the window.

"We believe that's all We summoned you for, Prince. We can't really remember, We were thinking ahead too much... oh well. Now leave," the King said simply, downing another glass of wine. "By the way," added the King, wrinkling his nose, "your odor offends Us. Get a bath, stinky Prince."

'Yes!' the Prince thought. He couldn't believe his father had forgotten what he had summoned the Prince for, but then again, his father was always forgetful when he was this drunk. The King would probably forget all about today's events, not to mention the summons, entirely. Things were looking up for the Prince. He began skipping out of the throne room, whistling, but then the Prince's worst fears materialized themselves in an orange blur, slightly taller than the Prince, running past him and quickly approaching the throne.

"Nooooooo!" said the orange blur, which happened to be Ace. Ace had to be the most annoying cousin to the Prince—he considered himself to be the Prince's rival, and as such, he was always forcing the Prince to compete in things he would rather not be a part of, from pie eating contests, to month-long marathon races, to staring contests, even to bonsai growing competitions. Ace was also the biggest tattle-tale of the cousins—he just loved trying to spoon extra brownie points off of adult Cosmic Beings, especially the King of All Cosmos. Just about every adult in the Royal Family—aunts, uncles, the King's cousins—prided Ace on his honesty and his good looks. Just about everyone his age ignored him, but he was loathed by most of the cousins.

"My Liege," said Ace, bowing deeply and elegantly, while at the same time rising into the air to kiss his ring. "Did you see what the Prince did to your new carpet? He had absolutely no right to do that," said Ace, pointing to the path of shredded carpet. The Prince gulped, bowed his head and began to sprint toward the door.

The King spread his arm and the doors slammed shut right before the Prince with such force that the rushing air blew the Prince sprawling back before the throne. "No, culpable Prince, Ace has brought this to Our attention and thus, you are no longer permitted to leave Our throne room until you explain this mess. Our brand new crimson carpet was custom-made to bring utmost pleasure and comfort to Our tired feet!" The Prince saw Bianco hide behind the throne. Bianco only fooled around with the Prince; he never wanted to the Prince to get in massive trouble like Ace did. Ace was grinning cruelly at the Prince, sitting upon the King's right hand.

The Prince hated to upset his father; the Prince was pure-hearted and as such loved his parents more than anything, although he may not agree with them at times. The Prince began to cry, upset with himself more than anything, "B-b-but fa-fa- I mean ssssire," the Prince stuttered in between heavy sobs. He cried on for a few more moments then said, "You have re-re-restricted aerospace in your th-thr-throne room. Please, sire, you sh-shot me down la-last time I fl-flew in here. Please forgive me, please don't punish me!"

"We shall forgive you this time, melodramatic Prince. But, next time, think before you destroy Our fine, exquisite carpet. You will just have to roll Us up a new one tomorrow is all," the King said, moved by his son's tears.

"My Liege, don't fall for those crocodile tears! He has absolutely no regrets for what he did to your carpet! Plus, Your Excellency mustn't forget about _this_," Ace said, holding up a videocassette tape. Smirking he added telepathically to the Prince, 'The original reason you were summoned, miserable Prince. Hah, perhaps the King will finally come to his senses and kick you out of the Royal Family! Then I shall be the new Prince of All Cosmos!'

The Prince looked up to Ace with streaming eyes, and continued their telepathic conversation, 'Ace, why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you? Please, have mercy! If you show me mercy and don't show my father whatever is on that tape, I promise, I shall be your slave for five Earth years. Or longer of necessary."

Ace glowered down at the Prince, remarking, 'You were born, Prince, born to the King of All Comsos, instead of me! Prince, you of all Cosmic Beings should know that five Earth years is not long enough. Hah, years! They pass by like the last twinkles of a dying star. No amount of time would make me reconsider.' With that, Ace placed the tape in the King's hand.

The King said, "Hmm, what was on this tape again? Archangel Bianco!"

Bianco nervously flew up to the King, "Y-y-yes Your Machoness?" The Prince could see that Bianco hoped this would buy some time for the Prince, perhaps even make the King forget. However with Ace there, that was not possible. The Prince winked at Bianco anyway, sending him a mental note of thanks.

"…Machoness… Ahhhh, yes, We are so high and mighty," the King sighed but Ace jostled him out of his praise-induced euphoria by pulling on the King's thumb.

"Your Majesty, do not forget about the tape!" Ace said.

"Ah yes, Bianco, do not distract Us this time. We are very upset with your disobedience. Perhaps We should demote you to not-so-much-of-an-archangel or to the chief mushroom farmer. Put it in and remind Us why We are seeing the Prince at this very late hour!" Bianco flew quickly but erratically to the VCR, grasping his heart and silently shedding a few dewdrops. Angels could not bear being called disobedient by the King; it harmed the very essence of their souls. The Prince guessed that Bianco was shedding some for him as well.

The King snapped his fingers and a huge plasma screen TV descended from the ceiling. Bianco, still clutching his heart and heaving, pressed 'play' on the VCR. It was a recording of a 'news' show from Earth, called the B.S. Dawn Show. As cheerful, jazzy music greeted the over-delighted humans to a bright new day, the Prince could see his doom looming on the horizon. The Prince gasped when he saw a look of revulsion suddenly appear on the King's face. Crap, his father recognized the show! The King met his eyes, but the Prince quickly tore his gaze away, not willing to face his father yet. The Prince forced himself to look at the television. Ace, snickering, was quickly fast-forwarding to the dreaded part.

A dark-haired female human, who appeared to be from the section of Earth called 'Asia,' appeared on the screen smiling. So she would be the harbinger of the Prince's torture. She smiled to the camera as she said, "And now, America, it is now time to report the final results on the top ten largest katamaris that were made here on Earth by the Royal Cosmic cousins!" The TV screen flashed a few brief pictures of Dipp dirty dancing in a club with Peso, Kinoko laying among a patch of mushrooms, and Lalala running from Earth's police force, complete with pixilation to censor her naked body. "Coming in tenth place, Daisy, with 1,810 meters; in ninth place, Shikao, with 1,853 meters…" The Prince risked a quick glance at the King, who, in turn, was glaring sullenly at the TV. The Prince quivered, knowing the inevitable was quickly approaching. "And in third place, the Prince, with 3,588 meters; in second place, Beyond, with 3,590 meters; and finally, in first place, Opeo, with 3,605 meters. This is Jun Miyasaki, reporting live from New York City."

The Prince looked at his feet. He could feel his father's piercing gaze searing into the top of his head. "How could you bring this shame upon Us, Prince? You let queer banana and diseased mummy beat you, slacker Prince. You have disappointed Our fans on Earth, and even more so, you have made them lose faith in Us, in Our ability to produce an adequate son from Our prodigious seed. Remember, lazy Prince, if you ever hope to achieve the throne, you must work for it," the King said, enraged. The room began to darken. Ace began laughing, and the King yelled at him, "Ace, get out of here now! This is between the Prince and Us."

Ace gave the Prince a cocky, superior look as he passed by. The Prince imagined that Ace was going to watch his punishment from a distance, laughing all the while.

"B-b-but sire," the Prince began to cry again, partially upset, partially terrified, "you kept picking on m-me with your r-r-Royal Rainbow. I w-w-would have done much b-b-better if it wasn't for that." The Prince quickly covered his mouth, realizing that he had just said the wrong thing to his drunken, irate father.

"Do not ever blame your mistakes on Us, sniveling Prince!" the King boomed, his eyes flaring and emitting a long, sizzling laser beam. It had barely missed the Prince, but he could feel the air burning and crackling next to him. The Prince shrieked and dived into the dense carpet, thinking that the King would not want to ruin his carpet anymore. Boy, was he wrong.

The Prince quickly regretted his decision as he felt agonizing beams of liquid fire sear through his veins, shock his nerves, and at the same time chill his bones. Not only did he feel physical pain, but he also felt emotional pain at knowing that he disappointed his father as well as mental pain as his father incorporated psychic blasts within each beam that made his mind lurch and stagger painfully. He was worse off than before now—he had quickly become hopelessly tangled in the carpet once again. At least out of the carpet, he could try to dodge at least some of his father's laser beams. His father, seeing the Prince tangled, concentrated an agonizingly long beam on the Prince. The Prince wondered if this is what mortals imagined 'hell' to be like.

After what seemed like an eternity to the Prince, his father stopped. The Prince gasped as he felt as if thousands of hot iron needles were piercing through the surface of his skin, embedding themselves into him. Then, they began to burn in a dull, throbbing pain. The aftereffects of the lasers were almost worse than the actual lasers themselves. The Prince just lay there on the now totally demolished carpet, twitching and smoking, feeling like he had endured a thousand of those 'hells' humans so avidly advertised. The King gently picked up the Prince, saying, "Oh, did We overdo it again? Oh, how clumsy of Us!" The King patted the Prince gently, enticing a moan to escape the Prince's lips; that was basically all he could do now. "Now, what were We angry with you about? Hmmm…" the King pondered. The Prince replied with another disheartening moan. The King broke into tears suddenly, crying, "Oh, Our son, We are so sorry. You're so cute and green! We punished you too much, more than your little pint-sized frame can handle. Just do Us a favor and don't tell the Queen, okay Prince?"

The Prince would have laughed if he could at his father's sudden transformation from the just, smiting King with an iron hand to a doting, loving father. But all that came out was a weak wheeze followed by another moan. The King looked around, making sure no one was around. But, someone was still around. There was Ace, laughing manically behind the great doors to the throne room. Apparently forgetting that the King was standing there, feeling guilty for the gratuitous punishment he had just meted out on his son, Ace yelled quite audibly, "So, Prince, you finally get what you deserve! Oh, I'm so going to get some cookies this time!"

The King bared his teeth in rage. The Prince managed a small smile; he had never, ever seen his father so angry before! "Ace, never laugh at the expense of others. Our son may be small and a bit bumbling at times, but at least he has a heart of gold. But, more importantly, you have disobeyed Us. We are the envy of the Universe!" the King said in a dangerously low tone. Before Ace could even utter another breath, the King emitted a blindingly large, intense blast at Ace. It looked as if it was the same blast that the King used to crush old stars and planets into stardust. When the smoke finally cleared from the blast, Ace was a horror to behold; he was disfigured and his flesh seemed to be boiling.

The King, however, had even more plans for Ace. He pressed a big, black button emblazoned with a supernova on the left arm of his throne. Suddenly, a trapdoor opened up in the middle of the throne room, expelling a rolling mist that soon blanketed the floor. All heat and bright light was suddenly whisked away from the throne room. A cold, eerie light illuminated the trapdoor. The being that levitated out of it literally stole the Prince's breath away. It wore black, ragged robes. Piercing, pale blue, soulless eyes gleamed out at the King from a darkness that was even blacker than the robe. One of the white, gloved hands grasped a bloody flail. Long, white hair swept out behind this awesome figure. It spread its dark raven wings as it asked in a cool voice, "Utmost Justice has summoned me and I have arrived. What is it that you wish?"

"Ah, yes, Our Supreme Seraphim of Justice, Akros," the King said, facing this gloom being as if he was a dearly close friend, "We want you to take Ace down to the dungeons. We want him flogged, hanged, trampled, stretched, and forced to watch reruns of that horrid sitcom _Filled Home_." The King pondered for a moment longer, then said, "Oh, and you may as well crucify him and throw him into the Lake of Fire for good measure."

"As you wish, so it shall be, Master," said Akros, bowing his head slightly to honor the King's authority. Then, the seraphim slowly hovered through the mist to Ace, ignoring Ace's screams for mercy. The Prince could hear chains clanking and rattling as he moved. Akros leered down at Ace with those dead eyes, suddenly grasping him with his free hand. Ace appeared to be shivering and lost all color. The seraphim descended back into the trapdoor from whence he came, taking the cold darkness and rolling mist with him.

The Prince wheezed in shock. He had never known that there could be dungeons in such a happy place as the Royal Castle of the Cosmos! That had to be a thrilling place to explore, especially since it was presided over by such an ominous being as Akros. He would have to tell the cousins about this! Then, the Prince, his strength sapped away by the excruciating pain, lost all consciousness.

After taking care of Ace, the King gently tapped the Prince, "Prince? Oh, Our poor son has passed out. Hopefully, he didn't see Akros." Once again glancing around to ensure that no one was around, the King focused his will next to the Prince in his hand, causing a 10 centimeter katamari to condense beside the Prince. "Now, don't worry, broken Prince, you don't have to roll this katamari until tomorrow morning. We shall walk you home to make up for Our naughtiness." The King slumped out of his throne and tripped, dropping both the Prince and the katamari. Bianco, recovered from the earlier injury to his soul, flew beside the Prince and the katamari and said, "Your Grace, perhaps I should escort the Prince home. Not to infringe or anything, but Your Majesty appears to be too inebriated to take the Prince home."

"Nonsense, Bianco. We…can…handle this," the King said, grasping the Prince and the katamari again and heading toward the open window. "Yes, We are the King of All Cosmos; We can easily handle Our pint-sized son without any help! Oops," the King slurred as he stumbled on something the King concluded was defiantly deciding to be non-existent. "Stupid air," the King grumbled. "Now where are the Prince and his katamari?"

"My Liege," Bianco said. Then he assisted the King, saying, "you've fallen pretty hard, are you okay?"

"You think a mere fall would harm Us, Bianco? No! Now, answer Our previous question, shunning Archangel!"

Bianco trembled at the insult and pointed out the window, "Your Magnificence, during your fall, the Prince and his katamari fell out the window. It just happens to be the window facing Earth, so I imagine that he is heading on a crash-course for Earth."

"Darn it. We wanted him to sleep in his own home on his personal planet, not on Earth," the King pouted.

"Well, we can still retrieve the Prince and bring him back if you wish," Bianco advised cautiously.

"Oh well, We guess it doesn't make any difference. Earth, Planet Prince, it doesn't matter. The Prince shall sleep either way," the King said hurriedly, then added, "But, We suppose that We should at least direct his course to a suitable rolling spot for tomorrow." The King suddenly entered into a state of deep concentration. Bianco left him to attend to other business.

After an hour, Bianco and several angels saw the King still sitting by the window. It shouldn't have taken the King that long to direct the Prince's route. They approached the King slowly, but soon heard snoring. Bianco and the angels quietly propped a bucket under his chin and covered him with a blanket, silently wishing the Lord of their Existence a good night.

Ah, Chapter Two, a chapter that I now know like the back of my hand essentially. I've read it and re-read it and revised it too many times to count honestly. Well, I hope you liked it!

Please, once again I ask, R&R. Please, let me know about Lalala's gender, I can still change it while it's early! It may be awhile before I post Chapter Three, that's going to be my first rolling chapter. I have it in its barest form in my notebook, but my chapters usually undergo a complete transformation while I type it up on the computer.


	3. Adieu, Poor Mr Rooster

Alright, I've added chapter titles to my fanfiction, just cause I can. I'm kinda scared to post this chapter, because it may be confusing. I tried in vain to explain katamaris and crap using sci-fi/fantasy elements. So, yeah, this chapter may be boring, and I apologize in advance for this. I tried to put a little humor in it. Ok, this chapter is rated T for one curse word and a little spat of violence...oh and I poke a tiny bit of fun at history. Oh, I almost forgot, from now on, 'single quotation marks' surrounding dialog will refer to the characters speaking telepathically to each other. Or one character thinking to himself (I say himself because for the most part this story is from the Prince's viewpoint). Not too confusing, or is it?

**Chapter Three—Adieu, Poor Mr. Rooster **

Chapter Theme: _Cherry Blossom Color Season_—Katamari Damacy soundtrack

"Owww," the Prince moaned as he was awakened by a fierce, stabbing pain in his head. It felt as if someone had hammered a pen through his head. What had happened last night? The Prince lay there for several minutes, thinking, wondering. Ai, it hurt even just to think. He imagined that this was exactly how his father often felt after a night of heavy boozing. 'I thought I swore to never fall into that same habit that my father has,' the Prince contemplated.

Suddenly, the Prince saw the sun rise. As the sun illuminated a beautiful farm and a rooster crowed, all the memories of the night before flooded back to him. It was almost the exact same scene from the beginning of the B.S. Dawn Show--the cows quietly grazing on the soft green grass, the sheep baaing to each other, geese swimming in a picturesque pond, lights coming on in the home, and happy-go-lucky human spawn screaming out into the daylight while their parents got ready for work. The Prince shuddered as that human Asian news reporter seared into his mind's eye, grinning as she reported his damning results.

As the Prince remembered what happened, he extended his arms out before him, rolling back his sleeves. Thin, purple scars laced up his arms. They were still very tender, he discovered as they stung slightly when he traced them gently. The Prince conjured a mirror before him and screamed as he beheld his scar-laden face. He hoped that he could hide this from his cousins—he didn't want them to criticize his father.

'Oww, Our head, Prince, Our magnificent head! How it pains Us!' the Prince 'heard' the King say in his mind. The Prince laughed at the irony of the situation. 'Silly Prince, this is no laughing matter! Oh, Our head! Why are you down on Earth anyway?' the King said, emitting a long 'Hmm.' The King then gasped in wonder, saying, 'Ah, yes, Prince, you were the cause of it! Yes you were, it's not Our fault this time. You broke Our lovely carpet. It was so full of wonderful fluffiness, and you broke it, destructive Prince. So, We need you to fix it by rolling up as many soft and fluffy things as possible.'

'I think he wrecked more destruction on his carpet than I did,' the Prince thought to himself carelessly.

'Hey, We heard that, Prince. Do not think of your absolutely impartial, yet still perfectly immaculate sire as such, ungrateful Prince. We have quite magnificent lasers, don't we? As yes, how beautifully silent, mysteriously deadly, truly a wonder to behold,' the King boomed in his head; the Prince had forgotten how invasive his father was; he even learned the art of reading other Cosmic Being's thoughts. He often pried into the Prince's most personal thoughts while at the same time filling his brain with self-praise. The Prince clasped his head in horror as the King continued to ramble, 'Oh, Prince! We have to prepare to meet with Tiffany Peers! We must prepare, We must look even more dashing than usual! Maybe We should grow a new pompadour? No, not enough time! Or get a new nose job? No, Our Royal Nose is Our pride and joy.' The King suddenly exclaimed, 'Oh, We know what We shall do. How noble We shall look 3! So, luckily for you, Prince, you will have a full eight minutes to roll us up the most warm and fuzzy katamari that you can manage. We shall spare you a moment to get acquainted with your new katamari.'

The Prince groaned quietly to himself, "What? Don't tell me that dirty mortal is still there! I can just imagine the filth…so much for a stain-free inheritance." Luckily for the Prince, the King was attending other business at the moment instead of inspecting his mind. The Prince stood up slowly, ignoring the persistent pain. "Well, I better get to work," the Prince said, cracking his knuckles. Although still very sore from his last katamari and the ensuing punishment, he had to perform his father's wishes, lest he suffer a worse punishment. Besides, the Prince knew how to mentally block out all pain while rolling a katamari.

The Prince gingerly rubbed his hand over his new katamari. The heart of the katamari was colored hot pink, its projections, the parts most responsible for sucking objects onto its surfaces, were white with red hearts on the ends. The katamari itself seemed to give off an aura of extreme warmth and comfort, so much so that the Prince felt as if he were about to fall asleep just by standing next to it. The Prince gave his katamari a slight push. The katamari rolled slowly and exerted great friction on the ground as it rolled, much like a ball of yarn would. Each katamari was unique; each was made specifically and perfectly for its particular role and purpose. The Prince always had to treat each katamari differently, just as one would treat an individual differently according to his needs and expectations. That was what made rolling a katamari so difficult to master.

He sighed in pure zen; this was what he lived for, what he was born to do. The Prince was always at his happiest when he rolled a katamari. The Prince's very being merged with that of the katamari and they became one, bent on the completion of the task. The katamari was now an extension of the Prince—he could 'feel' and 'see' through the katamari like it was a part of his body. The Prince and the katamari came to an understanding of the goal and of the roles each would play in order to achieve that goal.

The Prince felt his heart leap in gratitude. His father had directed him to a farm. Of course, there were plenty of fluffy things to roll up on a farm! The Prince sent his warm feelings of gratitude and love to his father. He felt his father smile in turn. 'Ah, Our son, you have forgiven Us. Here, We shall help you feel better.'

Suddenly, a bright, dazzling rainbow beamed down from the heavens. 'Sire, I haven't rolled it yet,' the Prince said as he backed away from the Royal Rainbow, confused.

'No, befuddled Prince. This Royal Rainbow will not take you back. Bask Our Royal Rainbow's glory, so reminiscent of Our own glory!' the King insisted.

The Prince obediently stepped into the rainbow, trusting his father. The Royal Rainbow slowly lifted the Prince off the ground, invigorating him. The Royal Rainbow filled him up with a comfortable warmness despite the brisk morning air. The Prince sighed in ecstasy as he felt the pain melt away. He watched in amazement as the scars disappeared completely, leaving his skin free of blemishes. The Royal Rainbow faded away, slowly lowering the Prince back onto the ground. 'Now, Prince, don't get used to this. Our Royal Rainbow can only be taken in moderation. Large doses of it can cause even the most serious and sane Cosmic Beings to go mad. Same goes for mortals and other immortals, actually. We guess that it is because no one can handle the sheer brilliance of Our power. Or perhaps they just can't take so much happiness in one sitting. Maybe something else entirely,' the King said dreamily, trying to think of what it could be. He gave up, saying in frustration, 'Oh bother, it's not like We care or anything! Why should the King of Kings trouble himself with something so mind-bogglingly pointless?'

The Prince, ignoring his father's outburst, proclaimed, 'Thanks, sire. I am ready to make you proud, to show my cousins that no one can beat a member of the immediate Royal Family and get away with it!'

'Good, good inch-ling Prince. We love your enthusiasm. So pure, so simple, yet with a lovable lust for vengeance. You will do well, Prince, We are sure,' the King said tearfully. Then, he asked, 'Prince, during your day's rolling, please roll Us up some headache medicine. We are so busy, We can't even summon one of the angels to do so and Our headache still rages on with the fury of a thousand beers. Earth is full of stuff, so We are sure you can find some while you're at it. Plus, Earth is known for its strong pain relievers. Now, go roll Us up a super-fad comfortable katamari, reliable Prince.'

As the Prince began to roll his katamari, he wondered if his father even forgot what he drank last night. It wouldn't surprise him if he did. The Prince first rolled over a soft patch of winter rye grass, followed immediately by a row of soft, white down feathers. He smiled as the objects stuck to the katamari. The katamari made happy little 'swoop' noises with each item that it consumed. Ah, how innocent a katamari's joy is! How they love to wreck havoc and confusion among the people of Earth! It always brought a tear of joy to the Prince's eyes.

The Prince pushed his katamari along a path of velvety moles and silky shrews. Whenever a katamari rolled over something, it exerted enough pressure to stick the object to the katamari, but not enough to crush the object. Amazingly, the katamari itself, while rolling, did not crush objects with its own weight even when it was sitting directly on them because it hovered slightly, just enough to relieve objects of its weight. Therefore, living things remained alive when they were rolled up in a katamari; in fact, many living things often felt a high sense of euphoria and peace within a katamari. As soon as the shrews and moles got over there initial sense of fear, they settled down comfortably on the katamari, even nibbling on bits of the winter rye the Prince had rolled up earlier.

The Prince had studied the principles and nature of star-making with his personal tutor. Katamaris are made into a star based on the things that got rolled up into it. The star was made bulk-wise according to the size and amount of both living and non-living things on the katamari. Each star also had a 'soul' made according to the essence of living things on the katamari. Living things often lived on the star for a short period of time while the 'soul' of the star was still developing. The star would absorb the energy from their personalities and assume their physical attributes in a sense while they lived on the star. For example, when the Prince rolled up fish for the katamari that would become Pisces, the katamari adopted a very fresh and lively nature, and shone as such in the night sky. A star, by no means, took any lives in the process, and when it was fully developed, it would transport everything it that it 'borrowed' back to Earth unscathed.

The Prince laughed as he rolled up a heavy Physics book. Indeed, katamaris, in fact, Cosmic Beings themselves, defied what humans called "the laws of Physics." Over the years of rolling katamaris, the Prince knew that katamaris inspired strange and absurd things to happen. He had recently seen a staircase composed of winner's podiums, a bear head replacing the head of Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore, several cows swimming in the ocean beside a racetrack, and several beings appear that the Prince swore didn't really exist on Earth, such as Jumboman and Santa Claus. Cosmic Beings often scoffed at humans and other such 'intelligent' mortals when they tried to define how the Great Cosmos worked. The King of All Cosmos himself had recently declared Physics to be nothing but 'a load of confusing hogwash, not worth Our time, so it's not worth anyone else's time either.' 'Hah, mortals are so stupid,' the Prince thought to himself.

He came upon a great cotton field which presented a confusing sight to the Prince. Several strange people were out on the cotton field picking cotton. The Prince swore that he saw a sumo wrestler, a bear-man, a clown, a gypsy dancer, and several other out-of-place people on the cotton field. What confused the Prince more was the fact that they were all picking cotton. Although the Prince had only studied a very brief portion of Earth history, he could've sworn that humans did not enslave each other to work on cotton farms anymore. 'Typical wishy-washy mortals, they can never decide what they really want,' the Prince thought. In fact, they were a lot like his temperamental cousin, Marcy, who could never decide what she wanted to do.

'No, no, deluded Prince, you are wrong!' the King interrupted suddenly. 'They aren't slaves, they're farm-hands! Instead of working the whole day for a few meals and a night's stay in a shack on the employer's territory, they work the whole day for what they call _minimum wage,_ which they use in turn buy their own shack and meals.'

'No offense, sire, but that sounds a lot like the same thing as slavery, just not as direct,' the Prince said as he rolled up some pieces of pocket lint that had collected on the ground.

'Hmm, We were thinking the same thing. Slavery sounds so much easier, in Our opinion, but then, according to humans, they are not _free._ Apparently, when they are _free_, they can vote for complete strangers to rule over them. The strangers, in turn, come up with rules for them to obey while taking away a large portion of their _minimum wage_. Sounds fun, yes? We hear that a century or two ago, well, in the more western parts of the world, that those strangers wore powered wigs. Quite the fashionable things back in the day really, brought into popularity by one of Our great ancestors,' the King said in a daze. He then said to himself more than anyone else, 'Maybe We should start wearing a powdered wig. Oh, oops, We are supposed to be busy, go back to rolling, dawdling Prince.'

'Sure sounds like "fun",' the Prince thought sarcastically to himself, now even more confused than ever. He decided to concentrate on what he could understand—katamari rolling. By now, the katamari was large enough to roll up the cotton in the cotton field. He felt katamari growing more and more excited as it anticipated the vast amounts of cotton that would soon stick to it. His hands tingled slightly where they touched the katamari. Suddenly, the Prince gave his katamari a quick push and deftly rolled up all the cotton that he could. The katamari relished this moment more than anything as more and more cotton stuck to its surface. Suddenly, the heart of the katamari swelled in size. The various items that it had collected so far migrated around the surface of the katamari to accommodate the boost in size without falling off.

Now, they could roll up even larger things. The Prince looked onward with his miracle vision and spotted a trail of pillows leading up to a barnyard full of chickens, mice, doves, rabbits, and cats. The katamari wasn't quite large enough to roll up the chickens and a few of the fat tabby cats, but the Prince knew that it wouldn't be too much longer before it would be. He had to strike quickly or else the doves would fly away. Waiting for them to return would cause him to lose precious time.

The Prince began to sprint and push the katamari quickly. The katamari, however, spun in place, knowing the Prince needed speed for this roll-up. The katamari spun quicker and quicker, waiting for the Prince to build up the right amount of momentum. Just when the Prince felt like he couldn't build up anymore speed, the katamari raced down the path of pillows and zipped toward the group of animals. The Prince could barely keep up with the katamari, which made it very hard to maneuver. The Prince, however, was one of the top pros of katamari rolling and managed to roll the katamari in a wide partial circle. He was barely able to roll up all the doves and rabbits. The Prince, especially during charges, had to roll the katamari mostly through sheer will. Rolling through sheer will was hard to master even by the Royal Cosmic Family. Although many Cosmic Beings could only roll through physical strength, only a select few could effectively manage a charge through physical strength alone. For the majority, a charge would cause the katamari to run wildly out of control and a collision would result, causing the katamari to lose precious items. The King had told the Prince stories of a few of the great Kings of the past that could roll solely through sheer will. The Prince aspired to achieve that goal, although he doubted that he could. Especially since his very own father had never even gotten close to mastering the technique.

The Prince bowled over the cats and picked up the stray mice in the process. He quickly maneuvered around a rooster that threatened to peck off some of his items. Some of the cats hissed in pain as they lay on the ground. Being bowled over by a katamari was not a pleasant experience, although being rolled up by one is. He quickly gathered up the cats in apology. The chickens had by now gathered in a group on the far side of the barnyard. It appeared as though there were several hens and one large, proud rooster looking over them. The Prince once again prepared a charge, determined to bowl all of them over. To the Prince's surprise, the katamari rolled up all the hens right away and only bowled over the rooster. The rooster, however, leapt back up almost immediately and began to dash to a little hovel below the barn. The Prince wasn't going to let that happen. He prepared a partial charge and rolled up the rooster right before it jumped into the hovel. Although the Prince lost a few items as he collided into the barn, it was a small sacrifice that he had to make to achieve a larger size.

Even though the rooster was now rolled up alongside his hens, the insipid creature was still panicking as the katamari rolled around. When the rooster was rolled over to the Prince's side, it pecked and scratched at him causing two long, jagged cuts to appear on his chest and arm. The Prince roared in pain. "Arg, stupid poultry!" the Prince cursed, slamming the rooster's head deep into the katamari. The rooster thrashed about wildly, wailing in terror. The Prince held its head down and felt panic soar through its body as it realized that it was going to die. The Prince continued to hold the rooster down until he felt its body go limp. Finally, he released it and its body was absorbed deeper into the katamari.

'Oh Prince, you just had your first, umm, murderous anger outburst! And it was with a rooster too. Just like Us! The same exact thing happened with Us. Stupid roosters, noisy things always crowing and pecking,' the King said. He always loved to applaud the Prince's achievements, often broadcasting it out to the public to the Prince's embarrassment. 'Prince, We would celebrate with you more, but…Tiffany Peers…'

'Dad, I mean sire, it's fine, believe me,' the Prince said quickly, forgetting his father's new alias for a moment. He suddenly felt overwhelming guilt consume him. What kind of Cosmic Being was he becoming? He didn't want to give into his base urges, just as his father had done throughout his whole life. He looked at his hands, those monstrous hands that had taken the life of that proud, handsome rooster. He was probably the prize rooster of the humans that lived on this farm, maybe they were even dependant the money that they would earn from him. Although the katamari did not kill anything when becoming a star, it could not bring bodies that were on it back to life. The Prince sobbed quietly as he continued to roll his katamari, rolling up several silken handkerchiefs and feathers. 'Adieu, poor Mr. Rooster,' the Prince said quietly, patting the spot where the rooster lay in the katamari that had become his grave.

Whew, that last paragraph was a bit angsty huh? Once again, sorry for the boring chapter. I won't ever try explaining katamaris again, I promise. The Prince will continue rolling this katamari in Chapter Four. Chapter Three and Chapter Four were originally supposed to be one chapter, but it got too long. Next chapter is going to be from an OC's viewpoint at first, so I thought that that would be an appropriate breaking point. Sorry if there are any major grammatical errors, I haven't really looked over it that much. Please R&R!


	4. I Can Make a Star for All Poofy Love

Whew, this chapter was a beast! Maybe I'm overdoing this whole fanfiction thing, it's getting really long, and I still have bunches planned! I may as well publish a novel, I guess, well, if it wasn't a fanfiction. I have several OCs in this chapter, I hope I did alright on them. Hmm, for rating, I would say a very strong Teen, I have a lot of junk going on in here. There's a bit of violence again, this time involving the OC, some crude humor, and very strong sexual references in the latter part of the chapter. Hee hee, I was very naughty! .

Oh, I almost forgot! Even though she doesn't read this fanfiction, I would like to credit SocRATes for the name of this chapter.

**Chapter Four—I Can Make a Star for All Poofy Love**

Chapter Theme: Same as Chapter Three because the Prince is still rolling in the same area

Tammy, the plantation owner's daughter, sat in her room, bored out of her mind. She, like a few other creepy little mortal girls, believed that her teddy bear, which she called Baby Bear, breathed, thought, and listened to all the concerns that she told it. Earlier, she had attempted to play hide-and-go-seek with Baby Bear, but it didn't turn out to be a very successful game at all. The stubborn bear refused to cover his eyes whenever Tammy wanted to hide, yet he obstinately sat in place when it was his turn to hide. Since she had no real friends, she decided to lounge around in her room and watch TV. She yawned and glared angrily at Baby Bear as she turned on her TV.

When she flipped to her favorite cartoon channel, it was currently showing a paid advertisement for _ButtockThrustTM, _a piece of exercise equipment so expensive that they dared not even show its price. Usually, this ad sported the supposed transformations of various tubs of lard into beefy, sexy models. In Tammy's opinion, the before and after pictures looked like completely different people even when she tried to factor in the lost weight. Although she expected the same seven people to appear on the commercial, she wasn't too surprised at the appearance of a new figure on this rehashed ad.

Of course, when this god-like figure claiming to be "the King of All Cosmos" made appearances on Earth to pick up what was called "katamaris," then later began accepting the requests of his fans to make even more of them, various manufacturers sought out his help as well to advertise their products. As a result, the King of All Cosmos appeared on TV all the time now, not only on the news, but also on a mass of advertisements. It appeared as though _ButtockThrustTM_ had become the latest commercial to sport the King of All Cosmos. The commercial flashed to an image of the King working out on a huge version of _ButtockThrustTM_ wearing nothing but purple tights. The King stood up after his quick workout, saying loudly and importantly, "We approve of _ButtockThrustTM_. We thought nothing of mortal basis would ever stand up to the sheer force of Our Royal gluteus maximus." Then, the King quite obviously started reading from cue cards. "We weren't always the massive, all-powerful being that We are today. Why, before I…," the King paused a moment to clear his throat, "_We_ began using _ButtockThrustTM_, We were quite fa-" the King stopped before he could utter the whole word. The room began to darken, and he looked beyond the camera, his eyes starting to simmer. He said, "What? We are not fat! In fact, We have never been fat! Who wrote these offensive, untrue-"

The scene cut off suddenly, instead switching to the overused before and after picture format. The after picture was, of course, of the King, but the before picture was of a random Cosmic Being with a beer belly. Tammy thought it bore an uncanny resemblance to the one called Kuro except much older and fatter, maybe his father. A deep voice, very different from the tenor Aussie voice of the King, continued from where the King left off. It lacked the poetic quality of the King's language. It said, "Okay, I was very fat. I was the laughing stock of all the other Cosmic Beings. I was so ashamed; I was the fattest King ever to sit upon the Cosmic Throne. But then, I saw this ad on TV and thought, 'What do I have to lose but my blubber?' So, I bought it and began working out ten minutes everyday on _ButtockThrustTM_. Now, I'm a jerk and everybody loves me!" The screen cut to several more scenes of the King working out, just like the ones that were shown before.

Tammy sighed in relief that the horrendous commercial was over. She couldn't believe that it was even worse now than before! She prayed that something good would come on, like _Qui-gon-ho!_ (a show featuring a card game that more often than not stole people's souls)or _Rabid Monkeys_. However, to her disappointment, several poorly drawn animals appeared on the screen frolicking around a campfire. "No, not _Corny Campers _again!" she yelled, turning off the TV with an audible click. She then turned to Baby Bear, "This is all your fault, you know. If you would only hide, I wouldn't be so bored!" She 'listened' to her teddy bear for a moment, then replied, "Shut up! Don't get all smart-alecky with me, mister, or no dinner for a week!"

"Oh tarnation! Keep still, durned cow! Tammy!" her father called from outside. "Your pa needs help milkin' ole Betsy. Couldn't ya'll come over yonder a moment?"

"Sure, Papa," Tammy called out sweetly to her father. She had an idea. She picked up Baby Bear and carried him out to the porch. Then, she grabbed him by his throat and began to throttle him. She threatened the bear in a harsh voice, "Now listen here, Baby Bear, I'm gonna be gone for a little while, that'll give you plenty of time to hide. So, if you are still in sight by the time I come back, off comes your head!" She struck her finger quickly across her neck for added effect. She placed Baby Bear on the ground beside the door and left to perform her task with a smile and a spring in her step.

When she returned to the porch just moments later with milk-sodden hands, she squealed in joy. Baby Bear was nowhere to be seen. She couldn't believe the bear actually listened to her for once. However, when she inspected the ground for a hint as to where Baby Bear went, instead of seeing footsteps, she saw a small dirt trail leading to the porch. As she walked along the path, she noticed many strange imprints in the dirt—chickens, pillows, cats, and many other things that she couldn't recognize. She observed the ground around the house and noticed a slightly larger trail leading away from it. On this path, there were new imprints, most notably what appeared to be her mother's soft and chewy blueberry muffins; their old, senile poodle, Twinkles; some clothing; and several of Tammy's stuffed animals. She noticed Baby Bear's imprint in the dirt and said, "Oh joy, what fun! I should threaten him more often!" She skipped down the dirt path, shrieking in excitement whenever she saw Baby Bear's imprint in the dirt.

The path led to one of their many barns that housed their abundant animals. She noticed something strange—one of the barn doors was only attached by its top hinge and the other door was shorn off completely. She slowly crept into the barn, thinking that perhaps this was Baby Bear's hiding spot. Instead of finding Baby Bear, she found what appeared to be the aftermath of a tornado. Hen's eggs lay spattered on the ground everywhere, white feathers were strewn about the floor, and, strangely enough, just about all the hay, wheat, spare bedding, and the animals themselves—with the exception of one lone chick chirping in distress for its mother—were gone.

She ran out of the barn in horror. She tried to reassure herself, thinking that Baby Bear was just trying to distract her from finding him. As she continued to follow the winding path, she noticed that the path had grown in width significantly. At the porch, it was only big enough to barely fit one of her feet; now, it was large enough to walk two steps across. She followed the trail hesitantly into the sheep pen only to find that all the sheep were missing. When she found that the same thing happened to the goat pen, she decided to notify her father. "Papa!" she called as she ran back to the house, "Come quick! The sheep and goats have escaped! I don't know where they're at and I'm scared!"

As she ran beside the patch of wilderness that they lived next to, a big ape-like monster with an abundance of white hair jumped out from the trees and began growling at her. She screamed, "What in tarnation! Are you Bigfoot?"

"Grr, how dare you even compare me to those uncouth creatures! I am none other that a yeti!" the beast responded much to Tammy's surprise.

"No, yetis don't exist, certainly not down here in temperate Virginia. Yetis like cold weather," she said, slowly backing away from the yeti.

"Of course we exist! You humans are so naïve at times. I am offended by your generalization, I happen to hate the cold, it makes me break out in a rash," the yeti said in disgust. Just when Tammy was starting to feel comfortable around the civilized beast, it said, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice person and all, well, for a human. Don't take it the wrong way or anything, but I'm going to have to cook you. You see, I normally don't eat humans, they're too greasy for my tastes, really bad for my figure as well. But I have relatives visiting and I can't greet them with just a stringy old wolf. It would be awfully rude of me—hey wait, come back here!"

Tammy broke off into a sprint while the yeti was still talking. She looked behind her for a moment. The yeti was surprisingly fast for something so big and hairy. It unsheathed its claws as it said, "Hah, silly little girl! I happen to be the best runner in my family!"

Tammy screamed as the yeti gained up on her. She noticed a grove of tall sunflowers just in front of her. It was her only chance. She ran into the sunflowers, calling for her father in the process. There was no reply. She sprinted through the huge grove, tripping every now and then, panting with fear. Still, she could hear the big beast tramping through the grove, hacking down the sunflowers with its massive claws. She knew she couldn't go on like this much longer, and the yeti was tearing down the sheltering sunflowers. Although sweat drenched her body, she suddenly felt very cold. Her legs trembled as she continued to run. The trembling got worse and worse until finally she collapsed on the spot, gasping for air. She no longer had the strength to stand on her own. She felt fear rise within her as she contemplated the thought of death at the hands of a yeti. She could only wait as the yeti tore down more and more sunflowers.

The yeti slashed down the sunflowers beside Tammy. It bent down and said, "My, you're quite the little bugger, aren't you? Oh well, no matter, at least you gave me a good workout." Tammy couldn't believe that the yeti still spoke in a good-natured tone, as if she were its long lost friend. It stretched out his claws and said in a remorseful tone, "Now, I'm so sorry, little girl, but it's for my family. You must understand my dilemma. Oh God, this is going to stain my fur coat, I just know it!"

"Tammy!" she heard her father's voice call out to her. "Grab my hand!"

Tammy looked behind her weakly and shuddered when she saw her father attached to a huge rolling sphere of stuff, mainly fluffy things. Her father entreated, "Aw, please, trust me! Ma's in here too. We're just fine and dandy!"

Tammy hesitated a moment but wailed in pain as she felt the claws of the yeti slash deeply into her back. She quickly looked back and forth between her two dooms. As she looked at the big fuzzy ball, she noticed her mother, father, and Baby Bear. At least if she died in the big ball she would be with her family. Needing no more encouragement, Tammy grabbed her father's hand and jumped into the ball.

Instantly, Tammy felt all the pain from the over-exerting sprint and the cuts from the yeti's claws disappear, replaced by a soothing coolness. Baby Bear migrated into her arms and she, in turn, was carried into the loving arms of her mother and father. Her parents hugged her tightly inside the comfortable katamari.

Her mother told her, "Sweetie, we are going to see the King of All Cosmos. We're going to help him make a star."

"R-r-really?" Tammy said, although she knew in her heart that it had to be true.

"Yep, it's true, darlin'. Our love for each other and our critters will burn brightly like a firefly in the sky forever," her father replied.

"Oh wow, that's so neat," Tammy said, hugging her parents in awe and joy. No more pain, no more worries about school or feelings of loneliness would plague her while she was on the star. Somehow, she knew that to be true. She merely felt a sense of peace and contentment as if she was becoming a part of something so big and wonderful that it would affect the lives of everyone everywhere for the better. She felt that even if she died right when she returned to Earth that this experience would have made her life worthwhile.

"Yes," her mother said as if she were reading her mind, "We will be okay, better than okay. Just think, we will help spread warmth and light to the entire Cosmos."

"The King is my hero!" Tammy exclaimed.

"Nah, the King is everyone's hero!" her father replied dreamily. "I was wonderin' how dag-durned big he really is." Tammy and her parents sighed and waited in anticipation for the moment that they would get to meet the King.

* * *

The Prince was overjoyed at the size of his katamari. It was nearly 3m big already! Probably from all those large farm animals, he figured. There were still a few more things he need to do, though, namely find one of his cousins, the Royal Present, and some headache medicine for his father, and time was ticking away fast. He probably had less than two minutes left.

As the Prince was about to prepare a charge, a cultured voice beside the Prince stopped him, saying, "Why, that was quite rude! You stole my little girl!"

The Prince merely smiled and rolled his katamari to the side. Since the creature did not resist or try to run away, the katamari rolled the yeti up right away instead of bowling him over. "You boorish heathen! Have you ever heard of 'manners' or 'etiquette'?" the disgruntled yeti yelled. The Prince, however, ignored the yeti's complaints, knowing that soon enough the pleasing effects of the katamari would quell his troubled emotions.

'Oh, Our son, We are so proud of you! You just rolled up a yeti. Quite a lean, fit one at that and surprisingly polite and cultured to boot. Most yetis We've encountered over the years tend to be quite fat and lazy, not to mention rude ingrates,' the King said.

'Sire, could you please tell me how much time I have left?' the Prince said as he leapt up into the sky to get an idea of where he should head next.

'Hmm, We would guess, maybe a minute and forty-five seconds?' the King said unhelpfully.

'Thanks,' the Prince sighed as he lowered down to his katamari. Truth be told, there wasn't much left that the Prince could roll up on the farm. He had spotted a rather odd sight though slightly to the east, where the patch of forest lay. There was a group of badgers, beavers, and rabbits dancing around a tree stump in the woods. The Prince charged his katamari and quickly rolled to the desired location. When he approached the patch of woods, he noticed that sitting on the tree stump was none other than Colombo, one of the Prince's cousins who had a hormone problem called hirsutism, which caused his hair to grow abundantly and uncontrollably. Of course, he was currently blow-drying and styling his hair. Colombo spent at least a third of his day caring for his body hair. If he just cut it all off, it would no longer be a problem, but Colombo himself confessed that he would never even think about it.

The Prince charged his katamari with a grin—he always loved to take his cousins by surprise. Cosmic Beings, like mortals, loved to be rolled up in a katamari, unless they were competing of course. The Prince had rolled up all the cousins at least once, and he, in turn, had been rolled up by the other cousins many times. Being rolled up by a katamari never got old to the Prince and many of the cousins shared the Prince's opinion. Cosmic Beings, however did not spend time on the developing star like mortals and other immortals did because stars could accept their essence way more easily than other beings.

The katamari released itself and thundered through the forest. Luckily, the katamari was large enough to collect all the animals plus Colombo without much maneuvering. The Prince still had to struggle to brake the katamari as it raced toward a tree. He dug his heels into the ground as he grasped the katamari while at the same time willing it to stop. The katamari strained his muscles and pulled painfully at his mind, but he managed to stop it just in time.

The King once again communicated with the Prince, 'Ah, you just rolled up Colombo. Perhaps the softest of all your eccentric cousins, Our equally eccentric son. Do you really have a body under all of that hair, Colombo? How disturbing!'

Colombo did not reply to the King's description of himself. When the King finished with his litany, Colombo said to the Prince, "Well, ye got me, mate. Props to ye, didn' even see ya comin'. Takes a lot to take me by surprise, y'know."

The Prince laughed; he felt very comfortable around Colombo, and not just because of his fur--Colombo had a very amiable personality. He pointed out with a smile, "Actually, my friend, no it doesn't. You're always paying attention to your hair instead of your surroundings."

If only he had known Colombo would be the cousin to roll up in this area, the Prince would have sought him out a long time ago. The Prince loved conversing with Colombo while he rolled around the katamari. Colombo replied, "Aw, Prince, ye may be one of me best mates, but don' ye be messin' around 'bout me fur. 'Tis me pride and joy, it is." Colombo then spoke in a lower voice, "By the way, Lalala heard 'bout what 'appened to ye. Y'know, the incident wit' ye sire? The lass wants ta share a word or two wit' ya, ta comfort ye if ye will."

"Oh, God, no!" the Prince wailed, "Please, tell her I won't be home…forever. How did she find out anyway?"

Colombo laughed and said honestly, "Prince, I'm an 'onest soul, I can' tell a fib to me best mate, y'know. But, if ye really want ta know," Colombo paused but a glare from the Prince told him to continue, "She got it from Daisy. Y'know, Prince, that lass 'tis always in that kitchen. I dare ta say, she's more a resident of'tha castle then ye are. Ya dame uses her milk ta make som'ma her recipes, a secret ingredient if ye will."

The Prince thought for a moment, wondering what 'dame' referred to. When he figured out that it meant his mother, he said, "Well, _that's_ rather disturbing. Colombo, what does Lalala want with me anyway? Father told me that it was Lalala and _you _that were mutually attracted, so I thought."

Colombo gave a big hearty laugh for a moment and said, "Prince, ye would do yerself well not ta take inta account everythin' yer sire tells ye. Lalala and I are merely best mates, no more, no less; the lass wants nuthin' ta do wit' me beyon' or below that. Thar's somethin' 'bout ye Prince that gits her blood goin', so she confides ta me. Thar's no gettin' around it Prince, she wants ya rather ye want 'er back or not."

"But seriously, we're related! Can't you tell her that it would never work out? Especially since I am a member of the immediate Royal Family?" the Prince begged to Colombo.

"Aye, no promises thar, Prince, but I kin try. Y'know what she'll claim--," Colombo said.

Suddenly, the King interrupted their conversation, "You have one minute left." Then, he was gone.

The Prince exclaimed, "Ack, I'm forgetting about the katamari, Colombo! Do you know where I can find some headache medicine for my father? Or maybe the Royal Present?"

Colombo thought aloud to himself, "Well, thar is that cesspool o'er yonder west. I suspect ye kin find sum thar…No wait, fergit wha' I jus' said, 'tis a nasty place. The 'umans throw animal waste an' trash in thar."

The Prince quickly jumped over to the other side of his katamari and began to prepare a charge, saying, "Thanks, my friend. I am forever in your debt."

"N-no, Prince, wait! Me fur, I spent 'ours on it! Ye wouldn' do ye matey like this… ah curses, yer goin' anyway, ain't ye?" Colombo grumbled.

"Sorry, buddy, but my father needs headache medicine, and you know how he loves those Royal Presents," the Prince said in apology.

"Curses, me an' me big mouth," Colombo muttered. He continued to try to persuade the Prince further, saying, "Ye don't hav'ta listen ta yer sire, y'know. Declare mutiny, be a little rebellious fer once, live life on tha edge some. Sure, me sire's big and imposin' too, but ye don't see me obeyin' his every whim. 'Tis 'is fault he when out an' drown'd 'imself wit' rum. Y'know what I'm sayin', mate?"

The Prince arrived at the cesspool. Sheesh, how it stunk! So much so that it actually caused his eyes to water a bit. The katamari began to chime off the last thirty seconds that he had to finish rolling. He told Colombo, "Brace yourself, we're diving in!"

Colombo and the Prince both screamed and covered their eyes as they dived into the pool of mortal filth. The katamari, not knowing the difference between adequately soft and disgustingly mushy, happily made dozens of 'swoop' noises as the disgusting morsels attached themselves to the katamari. Amazingly, the Prince did find a bottle of headache medicineat the bottom of the pool. The Royal Present was also in there floating on top of the water. The King said to the Prince, 'Oh, that's Our Royal Present! Probably from a fan, although We cannot be entirely sure. Just be sure to keep it safe within the katamari.'

The Prince nodded and rolled out of the stinky pond. "Arr, Prince, yer so heartless! T'will take an eternity ta rid meself of the stench!" Colombo screamed angrily at the Prince.

As the katamari chimed off the last ten seconds, the Prince had just enough time to roll up a few fleece jackets surrounding the pond before the katamari locked itself in position, unable to be rolled anymore. The King said to the Prince, 'Prince, what a nice katamari you have! Yes, it looks very comfy. But, We are about to meet Tiffany Peers! Is Our Royal Crown polished? Our eyebrows waxed? Our splendid chin looking as magnificent as ever?' With that, a bold, majestic rainbow descended from the sky and enveloped the Prince and his katamari. The Prince was caught up in a psychedelic swirl of color as he traveled quickly through the Cosmos. With a sudden but exciting lurch, the Prince found himself back in the Royal Throne Room.

The Prince gasped in awe at the sight of his father. He was dressed in one of his most regal outfits yet. He wore a royally rich, red, heavy, draping robe that was lined with white and black fur, striped like a zebra. On the back of the robe, a design of two red pandas eating bamboo was stitched with such realistic scrutiny that they appeared as if they could jump out of the robe at anytime as real pandas. Although he wore a velvet purple cloak underneath his robe, it still could not disguise his father's massive package. The Prince sighed—his father was quite the exhibitionist no matter what the occasion.

The King looked very uncomfortable, not to mention tired from the night before. His eyes even gleamed with a bright crimson light, testimony to the cascades of lasers that the King had unleashed on the Prince. As the Prince gazed at his father sitting in the throne, he noticed that the King even held a royal scepter in his left hand. The Prince hadn't known that they had a royal scepter! The King noticed the Prince and said, "Sorry, Prince. We cannot adopt a special pose today. If We move even slightly, We will regret it. Oh, Our head!"

"Believe me, sire, I don't mind," the Prince said, feeling sorry for his father as he grasped his head. Actually, with such regal attire, the King did not even need a pose. Although the King held the Prince's katamari in his right hand, the Prince feared that the upcoming event was causing him to forget about it.

What happened next most definitely stripped the katamari from the King's mind. The Queen slowly cracked the door to the Royal Throne Room open from the Royal Kitchen. The Prince noticed Daisy in the kitchen as well. So, what Colombo said was true!

The Prince blushed as his mother opened the door completely. Her normally reserved self was nowhere to be seen. She slowly sauntered up to her husband, wearing nothing but a black lace bikini complete with cat ears and a cat's tail. She was holding a strawberry shortcake, the King's favorite dessert, in her right hand. "Our sweet kitty cat," the King said as if in a trance.

"No!" the Prince yelled as the King dropped the katamari, his package swelling in size.

"Oh, Ruler of My Heart," the Queen purred softly into the King's ear as she settled into his lap, hand-feeding him a small bit of the strawberry shortcake in the process, "How I missed you last night. I was way too hard on you." The Queen quickly noticed the King's regal outfit and exclaimed, "Honey, you dressed up just for little old me? How sweet of you!"

"Well, actually, Our Queen--," the King said, his cheeks flaming red when his Queen interrupted.

"Oh you look so scrumptious today, My Liege," she nuzzled into him, licking off the traces of icing that had collected around the King's mouth.

"Mmm…scrumptious…" the King crooned in ecstasy, then said, "Yes, We are so delicious to Our sweet kitty cat. Mmerowr!" His mouth suddenly plunged into hers. The Prince couldn't tell who was kissing harder. He wondered how long it would be before they had to come back up for air.

Finally, the Queen tore herself away from her husband. The King continued to pursue her, but she fed him another piece of strawberry shortcake instead. "Oh my little stud muffin!" she panted. Her free hand wandered slowly down his stomach and rested over his hardness. She whispered softly, "You seem to be a bit tight, if I do say so myself. I want to disrobe you slowly—" the Queen paused as her desire caused her to gasp for air, "and massage every single one of your little sores as I do so…"

"Oh, Our Queen, you are being _very _naughty," the King said as he gazed deeply into her eyes. The Prince could tell that he was reading her mind. "Woo, We look so sexy and muscular, and Our Royal Thing--"

"SIRE!" the Prince screamed in desperation. He had had enough of his parents' romance for one lifetime. He stamped his foot on the ground, "My katamari!"

The Queen straightened up, cheeks flaming red. "Oh, my poor little baby, your father and I haven't defiled you, have we?" The Prince shook his head. The Queen looked at the katamari laying on the floor and entreated her husband, "Honey, may I please make the katamari into a star this time?"

"Oh no, Our Queen," the King refused stubbornly, "It is Our tradition, We always make the stars and planets. Only We have the power to manage that."

The Queen, however, knew how to get what she wanted. She pouted, declaring, "Oh, that's too bad, you just looked soo handsome tonight, I was going to let you eat the rest of this strawberry shortcake right off of my belly!"

"Ahh…Handsome…and right off the belly!" the King said, drooling. He quickly regained his composure, saying, "Tradition, what tradition? No, We don't need tradition! We are hip and up with the times! Our Queen may have the pleasure of making this star."

"Why, thank you, my gracious husband, you are too kind," the Queen giggled.

As she lifted the katamari, the Prince reminded her, "Mother, don't forget to use some of the katamari to repair the carpet!"

"Oh yes!" the King said, "We are very kind to you, Our Queen. But the Prince is right, he destroyed Our fine carpet last night!"

"Oh really?" the Queen said, eyeing her husband with suspicion. She held up the katamari for inspection. "Hmm…" the Queen turned it about in her hand, "Eww, Prince, you got this katamari all icky! What did you do, roll it into a swine pond?"

"Well, actually…" said the Prince, looking down at his feet.

"How dare you, bumbling Prince, upsetting Our Queen like this! Not to mention soiling a perfectly good katamari! Why, if We were rolling it--"

The Queen grabbed her husband's arm, saying, "My dear, it's not that big of a deal, really." She pulled out her heart-tipped wand and began to wave it around the katamari. The wand emitted sparkling dust, which transformed all the muck on the katamari into crimson fluff. With a flick of her wand, the fluff levitated off of the katamari and settled onto the ground, forming the new carpet. "There, all better!" the Queen said, looking quite satisfied with her handiwork.

The King stared in awe at the Queen's modification. He touched the carpet with his foot and said, "Well, We would've done the same thing! At least the carpet's softer than it was before."

The Queen reached down into the katamari and pulled out a now fully groomed and ribboned Colombo. She said, "Colombo, how nice to see you again!"

"Me pleasure, milady," Colombo said, kissing her hand in respect. "'Twas fun, mate. T'anks, milady, fer taken care of me fur coat wit' that wan' of yers. 'Twas a mess, it was. Later, Prince." The Prince and the Queen both nodded in acknowledgement. Ignoring the King completely, Colombo flew out of the Royal Throne Room. Luckily for Colombo, the King was completely hypnotized by his wife's alluring attire.

The Queen said, "Prince, you did a great job on this katamari. It's almost 100 full of soft and fluffy things. Except for this and this," the Queen extracted the headache medicine and the Royal Present.

"Our Queen, that is for Us! May We please have Our Royal Present? And We told the Prince to roll Us up some headache medicine," the King said excitedly.

"Sure," the Queen said, handing the King his desired items.

To the Prince's surprised, the King downed the entire box of headache medicine before tearing into the Royal Present in excitement. A pink bra dropped out into the King's lap. He held it up and said, "Oh, look Prince, it's a silken bra. And it's under-wire, too!" The King then frowned and sullenly dropped it in front of the Prince, "But, it's too small for Us. We…_guess_ you can have it, Prince."

'And you would've worn it?' the Prince thought in astonishment. The Prince made a mental note to give it to Drooby, the oldest female among his cousins who was already fully developed.

"Honey, these people love us so much! They're so happy to have seen you in person!" the Queen said.

The King held the katamari briefly in his hand, saying, "…They love Us…Yes this shall make a fine katamari. What are you waiting for, Our Queen? Pop it into the Cosmos!"

The Queen took the katamari. Before she threw it into the sky however, she said, "This may be the only star that I will ever make and I want it to count." She focused her will into it and began to sigh audibly. As she sighed, a pink light flowed out of her mouth and surrounded the katamari, causing it to glow brightly even though it wasn't in the sky yet. She then tossed it up into the sky. The bright katamari flew to its predestined position in the sky. With a blinding flash, the katamari became a star. It was a very intense star, possibly one of the brightest stars the Prince had ever seen. The star shone with a pink light and it appeared to radiate an aura of warmth and comfort. The Queen smiled at the star, and it appeared to twinkle back at her. She said, "This star shall be called the _Poofy Love _star." It appeared as though his mother really had a knack for making stars, even more so than the King.

"Well, We would have done the same thing, except better," the King said, trying to reassure himself. He turned to the Prince, "Now, pestering Prince, leave Us alone with Our Queen."

"Now wait a moment, Prince," the Queen said, running back to the kitchen. Daisy handed the Queen a basket-full of healthy, organic, bean burritos with a moo. She took them to the Prince, saying, "My poor son, you look hungry. Take these home with you."

"Thanks, mother," the Prince said. Although he could smell the warm, fresh burritos, he didn't feel hungry, just tired.

"May he please leave Us now, Queen? You have neglected Us last night," the King begged.

"Yes, he may," the Queen giggled, leading her husband to the Royal Bedchamber.

As the Prince left the throne room, he saw Bianco fly up the Royal Bedchamber and knock hesitantly upon the door. He said, "Umm, Your Highness? Tiffany Peers has arrived."

The Prince lingered at the window a moment. The King stuck his head out of the door, enraged. He yelled at Bianco, "Tiffany who? Bianco, get her out of here this instant! We must attend to Our Queen. We…are…the Ruler of Her Heart…Yes, Us, only Us." The King slammed the door shut in Bianco's face.

"But, Your Majesty…wait, you're not listening are you? Oh God!" Bianco said as he heard giggling coming from the Royal Bedchamber. "The things I have to put up with for His Majesty! Guards!" Bianco yelled. The two burly angels that had handled the Prince before appeared before Bianco. "His Majesty had changed his mind about Tiffany Peers. I need you two to 'escort' her out."

"Uh, back to Earth?" one of the guards asked stupidly.

"No, don't even bother. Just throw her in Earth's general direction, I'm sure she'll get there one way or another," Bianco said tiredly.

As the Prince flew toward his home planet, he laughed when the two burly angels threw a disgruntled, anorexic pop singer out the window without preamble. The Prince silently hoped that she landed on some sort of sharp projection. Oh well, he needn't worry—Earth has plenty of them.

Hooray for randomness! I liked writing this chapter for the most part. When I thought up of the character of the yeti, I laughed (yes, I do laugh at my own fan fiction at times). I loved playing around with Colombo's character, he's so cool. I'm really proud of the dialect that I gave him, a bit like a dwarf and a pirate at the same time. And, yes, sorry for my naughtiness, but it's only going to get worse from here. I couldn't help but play with the King and Queen's relationship. I think that they really have quite the hots for each other, especially from what the King says after you roll up the King and the Queen in WLK. A couple of more cousins will show up in the next chapter, one of them you can probably already guess.


	5. Bizarre Prophecy and Impossible Dream

Sorry for my long absence; at first, I just kept putting it off because I was really afraid of what people would think about this particular chapter. But, then, when I actually got up the courage to sit down and write it, this chapter just didn't "feel" right for some reason. It seriously didn't feel as good as the others. Just yesterday, I basically wrote up a long complaint to just to get my frustration out that I couldn't write anymore. And guess what? Inspiration came flooding back to me. While this chapter still doesn't feel quite right to me, at least I was able to type it out in the end. I don't know, maybe you readers will enjoy it; I enjoyed it toward the end. If you don't, please, feel free to suggest what I may do to improve it.

This marks a turning point in my fanfiction; I introduce some points in the plot that will be expanded upon later, though it may not seem like it at first. You will just have to wait and see what they are, I suppose. And this chapter also marks a turning point in rating. Because of the highly suggestive material in this chapter, I have decided to give my entire fanfiction a Mature rating, just to be on the safe side. There's also a little cursing here and there and a bit of crude humor once again. This chapter is one of my longest ones yet, but it's not quite as long as Chapter Four. That being said, if there are any spelling/grammar errors, please forgive me, I was so excited about posting a new chapter up that I forgot to check back through it thoroughly. And, also, the eternal stars that I mention in this story are not to be confused with the stars that are made in Katamari Damacy after playing through an eternal level.

**Chapter Five—Bizarre Prophecy and Impossible Dream**

Chapter Theme: _Katamari Mambo_—Katamari Damacy Soundtrack

The Prince flew home at a leisurely pace, observing the beautiful stars, comets and planets that he had helped make. The Prince sighed. Although the King and the Prince had replaced some of the stars that the King had destroyed during his drunken rampage through the Cosmos (which, inevitably, had caused quite a few Cosmic Beings to grumble against the King because he had destroyed one of their favorite shopping, party, and casino planets in the process—Tau Boötis), the Prince doubted that they ever could completely restore the majesty of the Cosmos. The Cosmic Royal Family had been making stars, planets, nebulas and other celestial bodies for countless eons; and yet, it had only taken the King of All Cosmos a matter of hours to annihilate just about every single one of them. Yes, truly it had been a while since any King had screwed up this badly, probably not since the King of All Cosmos that reigned several centuries back had hurtled a large katamari into space carelessly, which just so happened to land right on top of an entire civilization on Earth, which the Earthlings now called "the Lost City of Atlantis". And truly it was lost grievously, for even Cosmic Beings valued the fine elegance of the Atlantians' art and architecture.

As his eyes wandered over the constellations of Taurus and Ursa Major, the Prince cringed. The King had claimed that he had tried to make Taurus and Ursa Major himself so that he wouldn't appear to be a deadbeat father, but the last cow or bear escaped from him. So, of course instead of finding the last one himself, he sent the Prince to roll him up just one cow or bear. There was a catch though: his father wanted the largest cow or bear that he could find, and the King even counted things like cow pylons, milk, bear statues and "Beware of Bear" signs to be cows or bears. After many futile and frustrating attempts, the Prince finally managed to roll up the Kintaro Bear for Ursa Major and the Holy Cow for Taurus. After those constellations and the Extra Smelly Cowbear Planet, the Prince and many of his cousins agreed that it was not an experience that they wished to go through again any time soon.

A twinkle of bright pink light caught his eye as he approached Planet Prince: the Poofy Love star. The Prince was truly happy that he had finally seen his mother make a star for a change. Her star, in fact, seemed to outshine many of the stars that the King had made. As he remembered the process that the Queen went through to make the star, he gasped. She had made an eternal star—the type of star that was made when a Cosmic Being incorporated some of his or her essence into the katamari before sending it up to the Cosmos. An eternal star could never burn out, never be destroyed. Many of the past Kings had made at least one eternal star; the average per King was three or four. Although the Prince's father had yet to make one himself, the Prince was sure that he would be intent on making one before too much longer, especially since the Queen had just made one that outshone so many of his regular stars. Making an eternal star usually sapped a lot of strength out of a Cosmic Being, and if one made enough eternal stars, he could actually become very weak and frail. For example, the previous Emperor of All Cosmos had made many eternal stars before the Prince's father assumed the throne, at the very least twelve eternal stars in all, which was well above the average of eternal stars that Cosmic Kings usually made. While the Prince knew that it was probably vanity and vexation of spirit on the Emperor's part to make so many eternal stars, he still looked up to his grandpa for managing to sacrifice so much of himself for the enjoyment of both mortals and immortals everywhere. In fact, he had given up so much of his strength while making eternal stars that the Emperor had actually collapsed during a beautiful outing with the would-be King and Queen. It had taken him a long while to recover and of course, after making so many eternal stars, he realized that he could never regain his entire strength and passed the crown down to his son. That was how, according to the Queen, the King had claimed the Royal Cosmic Throne. Several years later, the previous Emperor had regained his strength and just simply left without an explanation. No one in the Royal Cosmic Family actually saw him leave and no one had ever seen him again since.

As he continued to observe the Poofy Love star, it suddenly flared passionately, startling the Prince. He remembered his tutor telling him that eternal stars were very intimately connected with their creator, and often reflected what he or she was feeling at the moment. The Prince quickly looked away from the star, trying to push both what should have been the King and Queen's earlier tete-a-tete and what probably was making the Poofy Love star flare so passionately out of his mind. 'Ugh, I'll just pretend I never saw that,' the Prince thought in disgust.

A world of stress lifted off of the Prince's shoulders as he landed in front of his house. As he approached, however, he noticed something strange: the door was ajar. Within, the house was completely dark. The Prince felt his heart leap up into his throat and gasped silently, in fear, wondering who…or _what_…could possibly want to see him as of the moment. Perhaps Signolo and his ragtag group of aspiring comedians were playing a prank on the Prince, but he doubted it. He would've been able to hear their snickering from a mile away.

He hovered above the ground slightly. He 'swam' through the air silently, trying not to make a sound as he entered into his house, quickly but quietly placing his mother's burritos into his refrigerator. He could 'feel' the presence of another Cosmic Being within his house, although it seemed remotely familiar, he could not tell who it was. This Cosmic Being seemed to be veiling itself against any probing that the Prince could manage; its mind was just a painfully cold steel wall to the Prince. As he flew into his bedroom, the most putrid odor the Prince had ever encountered assaulted his senses. As he flew to the other side of his room, he was so overcome by the stench that he coughed and lost concentration, falling right onto his bed. But, to his surprise, his bed didn't feel stone hard like it usually did; instead, it felt cold, moist, gummy and disgusting. "Ahhh! What the hell!" the Prince screamed in shock, abruptly flying off of his bed. Whatever was on his bed, rank morsels of gunk that came off of it now clung to him.

As the Prince hurriedly flew to the light switch, a high-pitched voice (well, for a male) squealed excitedly, "Weee! Woo-hoo! Nematodes!"

"Beyond, I should've known it would be you," the Prince said, flipping on the light switch to reveal what would appear to be a long, smiling corpse tinged with shades of green, blue and gray. Beyond was one of the most peculiar of the Prince's cousins. True to his name, he was pretty much 'beyond' the realm of reality. Although he was one of the most amply gifted cousins with Cosmic powers, he utilized them in very strange and annoyingly creative ways, such as he was doing now. "Ugh, Beyond, why are you imitating a mortal that's been dead for several months? And more importantly, why in my house and on my bed?" the Prince asked.

In reply, Beyond began to sing a nonsensical epitaph to himself and the Prince, "Beyond was a great cousin to Fred, but alas, he has passed away on Fred's very bed! When Fred came home several months later, he mourned for Beyond's tragic loss…Aww, don't cry Fred! Beyond will feed the flowers faithfully in your stead! Just don't open Beyond's tomb or Beyond may curse you! Wouldn't that be fun, Fred? Then we could be friends forever and ever and ever!" Beyond began to giggle and roll around happily on the Prince's bed. The Prince could actually see Beyond's skeleton underneath flaps on skin, some of which was now sticking onto the Prince.

He then proceeded to pull his cadaver cousin off his bed who landed with a sickening wet plop on the floor. The Prince wrinkled his nose in disgust as he observed his bed. Beyond had used his Cosmic powers to resemble as realistic a corpse as possible, even leaving behind a stagnating pond of rancid fluids on the Prince's bed. The Prince recalled locking the door to his house but there really wasn't any way to keep Beyond out if he wanted to come in, as some of the other cousins could attest to. The Prince felt very nauseated. Why did Beyond choose to bother him tonight, out of any of the other cousins?

"Ima rolling, rolling, rolling like a hippo!" Beyond said as he rolled on the floor, using his Cosmic powers to produce even more rot and fluid that quickly spread across the floor.

"By the Cosmos, Beyond! Please stop!" the Prince cursed as he leapt onto Beyond, futilely trying to halt his cousin's revolution.

"Aw, Beyond loves you too, Bob," said Beyond, crushing the Prince in a massive bear hug that inevitably covered the Prince in even more gummy cadaver flesh. Although he got mad at Beyond on numerous occasions, the Prince knew he couldn't blame him for the way he acted. The Royal Family was infamous for inbreeding and Beyond's parents just happened to be two of the King's cousins. In fact, the Prince suspected that some of his very own cousins may have interests for each other, particularly June and Marny. Marny loved water and, since it rained wherever June happened to be, ponds inevitably sprang up wherever she stayed at for long periods of time. June loved Marny's friendly personality, so the two were almost inseparable. Beyond released the Prince and suddenly jumped up into the air, exclaiming, "Yay, now Beyond is undead! Boop-de-do!"

The Prince moaned. He would get nowhere with harsh words, that much he knew. The Prince said softly, "Yes, Beyond, I love you too. But, could you please change back? I promise that you can stay for as long as you desire if you change back. Not only that," the Prince entreated, deciding to bribe Beyond further, "but I have some organic burritos that my mother made. Very healthy and delicious to boot. If you change back, I'll let you have one; that's a promise."

"Burrito, burrito, burrito," Beyond chanted, changing back to his lilac-colored self, "give Beyond a burrito!"

The Prince smiled at Beyond and said, "Of course you shall have your burrito, Beyond, you deserve it." The Prince escorted his strange cousin to the kitchen.

When the Prince opened up his refrigerator, however, Beyond pointed to the very back of the fridge, where a basket full of golden apples lay, and exclaimed, "Ooo, Beyond wants those appleses too!"

The Prince feigned reluctance, saying uncertainly, "Well…I don't know, Beyond…these are _golden_ apples, and they happen to be quite the rare and tasty delicacy on Earth. Oh, I don't think I could bear it if I let them go!"

Beyond began to sob uncontrollably, throwing himself at the Prince's feet. He begged, "Beyond wants appleses, please give Beyond those appleses! Beyond will do anything to get his hands on those appleses, anything!"

"Hmm…" the Prince said as if in contemplation. After feigning a moment of intense thought, the Prince said, "Well, I suppose I can let you have these super rare and delicious apples, but only if you clean up that mess you made on my floor and on my bed. And be sure to get rid of that offensive odor too."

"Oh, that's easy," Beyond said. Beyond suddenly ran into the Prince's room and leapt into the air, heading toward the puddle of rot that he left on his bed. The Prince quickly averted his eyes, envisioning the mess that Beyond would soon be causing. Soon, a strong, sweet scent filled the air contrary to the foul odor before. He looked back at his room in disbelief; it was spotless, even cleaner now than it had been before Beyond had made a mess. "Mmm, orchids," said Beyond, sniffing the air.

The Prince stared at Beyond in disbelief for several moments before Beyond approached him and held out his hands, moaning in impatient expectation. The Prince laughed and said, "Wow, Beyond, you're amazing! It's even cleaner than it was before!" He fished around in his fridge and pulled out not only Beyond's coveted food items, but also a couple of bananas. The Prince handed Beyond his reward, stating, "You really outdid yourself, so I'm throwing in a couple of bananas as a bonus. Enjoy."

Beyond snatched the food from the Prince's arms and exclaimed, "Yay, Beyond is amazing! Even more amazing than mutant centaurs!" Beyond ran screaming into the Prince's closet and shut the door behind him.

"Ah, the results of inbreeding!" the Prince whispered to himself, laughing as he thought of the whole ordeal that he just went through. Although Beyond was quite annoying at times, the Prince truly cared for his scatter-brained cousin, more so than some of the others (like Ace, the Prince added as an afterthought). Beyond was perhaps the most innocent cousin out of all the Cosmic cousins beside Huey; he would never do anything to directly harm anyone. But the Prince couldn't reflect on this anymore. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he realized that he had become quite filthy during the day. 'Another outfit ruined,' the Prince thought, looking at all the holes and stains that had accumulated on his shirt and tights. The Prince pulled off his clothes and promptly vaporized the ruined outfit with laser beams. Before stepping into the shower, the Prince knocked upon the door of his gibbering closet and said, "Beyond, I'm going to take a shower now, so just stay in there and don't cause any trouble, okay?" Of course, the only response he received was an odd, piping chirp.

* * *

The Prince emerged from his shower, warm, clean, and refreshed. Although he had to scrub himself quite hard to get all the filth off from the day, the warm shower had invigorated the Prince. As he stepped out of his steaming bathroom, it felt as if the Prince had stepped out of a sauna directly into Antarctica. Although Planet Prince received some light from the sun, it was too far away to receive much heat from it. The Prince ran across the ice cold floor, trying to reach his closet as quickly as possible. He really wished that Beyond wasn't in the closet at the moment. While Beyond himself wouldn't mind, the Prince was very bashful and reserved by nature. He didn't want anyone to see him naked, especially…

The Prince's heart skipped a beat as he felt a draft blow into his house from the open front door. When he turned his head, he shrieked in horror and covered himself as best as he could with his meager towel. Leaning languorously against the doorframe was his naked tan cousin, Lalala. There was no doubt that she had known that the Prince was taking a shower. She flashed a wide, knowing grin at him. She gazed at him fully, like a lover. The Prince felt as if she were drinking him up with her gaze and savoring every last drop of him.

The Prince stammered and backed away from her slowly, saying, "L-L-Lalala, w-what…are you d-doing here? I'm n-n-naked!"

"Good, that makes the two of us," Lalala laughed. She stared at him for a few more moments before saying, "Oh, my Prince, this is the very first time I've truly _seen_ you. Hmph, I thought you were cute before but now that I see you when you are free of all restraints, you are even more handsome than I could ever imagine. My dashing Prince…let me have a closer look at you."

As Lalala slowly sauntered up to the Prince, he couldn't help but noticed how much she had developed since they last met. He blushed as he let his eyes wander over her sensuous form. He couldn't help but linger on the slight curvature of her body, breasts that were just beginning to bud, the lengthening of her legs, the long eyelashes that occasionally batted at him perceptively; yes, Lalala was going to develop into an exotic beauty in due time. Lalala smirked as she observed the Prince's obvious fascination with her. Blushing, the Prince quickly turned his eyes away from her, vainly trying to choke those sudden feelings that threatened to ensnare him and pull him down into their euphoric and forbidden depths. He continued to back away from her until his back hit the wall.

Now Lalala had him where she wanted him. She suddenly rushed at him and pushed him down onto his bed, which the Prince just realized was right beside him. "Prince, you are mine; please, my Prince…why are you afraid to hearken to my touch, my voice, my charisma, my desire? Why are you afraid to freely express that which we both feel?" Lalala asked him softly as she pounced on top of him. The Prince gasped in both sheer terror and pure anticipation as he felt Lalala's weight settle down on his stomach. His breathing quickened as both of those feelings fought within him for control. His blood rushed throughout his body, filling and stimulating even the furthest tips of his extremities; a result of a hot, passionate, primal desire.

As she brushed her lips against his neck, the Prince shuddered in both delight and in horror at the thought of what his father would think if he saw the two of them like this. "Oh God, Lalala, please, you can't do this to me. We're related, I could never-"

Lalala promptly covered his mouth with her hand and said stubbornly, "Why couldn't it work? And don't give me that age-old excuse of yours. So what if we're related? Trying telling that to Dipp and Peso, or June and Marny, they don't let that little aspect restrict their feelings for each other." As Lalala concluded, she began to caress him with a ferocity bordering on necessity. The Prince moaned huskily as her magical hands wandered over his body, exploring, probing, and working out all the knots, aches and pains that the Prince had accumulated that day from rolling the katamari. Just as the Prince was about to speak up again, Lalala silenced him with a kiss, drinking in his essence as if she were a hummingbird in dire need of the sweet nectar of his love. When she resurfaced from the long kiss, she pouted, "Prince, please, I know I'm not the only one between the two of us that's feeding this flame. You want me just as much as I want you, perhaps even more. I can hear it in your voice; I can see it in the way you move; I can feel it in the way you succumb beneath my touch…why can't you acknowledge that?"

The Prince sighed and said, "Lalala, you must understand. I'm the son of the King of All Cosmos, and one day, I will inherit the throne from him. As such, I'll have to bear an adequate son, I can't have an inbred like Bey-" The Prince stopped in mid-sentence, smiling suddenly. He had found the key to getting out of this awkward situation. The Prince yelled toward his closet, "Oh Beyond! Cousin Lalala is here to play with you!"

Lalala groaned as Beyond emerged from the Prince's closet wearing a pirate hat and sipping from a bottle of fruit juice. Beyond giggled and said, "Oo, barnacles and seagulls, arg!" His eyes lit up, however, as he spotted the duo on the bed. Beyond promptly dropped his juice and pirate hat and sprinted toward the bed. He leapt into the air, yelling, "Yay! Dogpile!" After he landed atop both Lalala and the Prince, he embraced both of them in a large hug, cooing, "Aww, I like naked!"

"Beyond, you ruined everything! I had my Princey-poo right where I wanted him!" Lalala complained, laughing all the while at Beyond's antics. The Prince took this moment to run into his closet and pull on some clothes.

The Prince hugged Beyond back, saying, "No, no, don't listen to her, Beyond. What you did saved my life. In fact, as a treat, you can keep that pirate hat and feel free to help yourself to a melon in the fridge."

"Arr, Beyond is a melon-pillaging pirate!" Beyond said as he raided the Prince's fridge and pulled out a melon. Beyond then ran outside, once again leaving the Prince and Lalala alone.

"Hmph, you think you're sooo smart, huh, Prince?" Lalala said firmly with her hands on her hips. She soon lightened up and said, "Oh well, enough of that. I'm sure Colombo already told you about this, but I heard about what Ace did to you from Daisy. I swear, he's gonna become a no good cop when he grows up!"

The Prince laughed at his cousin's outburst. If there was something that Lalala hated more than anything else, it was a cop. Since Lalala was so free-spirited and never wore any clothes, she naturally had rubbed elbows with the law (both in the Cosmos and on Earth) on numerous occasions. Many of her best stories started with the words, "You would never believe what this rude, stupid cop did to me the other day…"

Remembering the appearance of Seraphim Akros and the mention of the Royal dungeons, the Prince asked Lalala, "So, did Daisy tell you about what happened to Ace?"

Lalala's eyes widened in excitement as she said, "Oh, did she ever! She told me that the Royal Castle has dungeons! Who would have ever guessed? Prince, you and I should explore the dungeons. I can just imagine it now, you and me, hand in hand, huddled together in the cold, eerie dungeons. And I have nothing to fear—I will never be in any real danger, for I know that my Prince in shining armor shall protect me from any unknown horrors that decide to sneak up on us."

"Well," the Prince said, choosing his words carefully, "as much as I would _love _to explore the dungeons alone with you, don't you think it would be unfair to keep such an exhilarating opportunity away from the other cousins? Besides, we could most certainly benefit from some of their experience, especially Jungle."

Lalala sighed, "What was I thinking? I'm so silly, of course you're right. I do, in fact, know of a couple of cousins who would just love to accompany us. When and where shall we meet? Does tomorrow night sound fine to you, here at your house?"

Just as the Prince was about to reply, Beyond slowly opened the door and came in. He gasped as Beyond walked in with slow, determined steps. He planted himself before the Prince and stared impassively at him as if he were under a spell. He had a very strange, dark, eerie aura about him at the moment, very different from his usual happy and zany mood. Beyond boomed in a deep, hollow voice that was not his own, "The peacock shall be banished from his motherland by the red panda, although the transgression for which he is evicted shall not be of his own doing. He shall dwell among jackals and foxes, through whose faults he shall be exiled even further into an empty and void realm. He shall become nothing more than a whisper of the wind. However, through the efforts of a ghostly savior, he shall arise all the mightier because of it!"

The Prince stared at Beyond in disbelief for a few moments, trying to take in all which Beyond had just said. Then, he asked in astonishment, "What in the-? Beyond, what are you talking about?"

By the time the question came out, however, Beyond was back to his old self He pulled a stuffed moose out of his tights and hugged it merrily as he said, "Beyond loves the little mooses! Yes he doooes!"

A tap on the shoulder startled the Prince, but it was only Lalala. She whispered to him, "Prince, Beyond just made a prophecy! He tends to do that at times."

"H-him?" the Prince stammered in disbelief. "Since when?"

"Since his whole life, Prince. You really should start hanging out with your cousins more, you know," Lalala paused, and then elaborated with an example, "Remember back when Opeo got that hole in his stomach when Fujio had that freak jousting accident? Beyond prophesied about that a few weeks before it happened. I don't exactly recall what he said, something about a valiant cougar piercing not his dark foe but his own kin. So…well, you were there, you remember what happened."

The Prince backed away from Lalala slowly, grasping his heart. He began to think about Beyond's prophecy. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that the prophecy could refer to him, and therefore, the more frightened he got. He was green, just like a peacock and it didn't exactly take a genius to guess the identity of the red panda. "No…" the Prince cried, "if he's referring to me, then that means…oh God! What could I do that's so heinous that he'd…"

Lalala ran up to the Prince, trying to comfort him, "Prince, don't sweat it. I'm sure it's nothing. Some of Beyond's prophecies have yet to come true. In fact, he told me one a couple of years back that still hasn't come to pass."

"Still, that prophecy…it unsettles me," the Prince said uneasily. Just then, as the Prince gazed into Lalala's comforting eyes, the Prince noticed some white blur bouncing just out of the corner of his eye behind her. When he focused his vision, he noticed that it was Archangel Bianco. Bianco shot the Prince a glare and pointed at Lalala, as if he wanted to speak to the Prince alone. The Prince sent the frantic archangel a mental comment, 'Bianco, I think I've had enough excitement for one day. What do you want?'

'Ah yes, Prince, with…_that_,' Bianco nodded his head irritably toward Lalala, '_harlot_ prancing around and practically having oral sex with you, I can see why you don't want me around. Prince, when I approached your house, I saw her on top of you, licking and caressing every inch of you. You're _really_ lucky that I'm not a snitch like Ace or else, I'm sure you and His Majesty would have _quite_ a few things to discuss, not to mention work out over your next meeting, right?'

The Prince, trying not to let any of Bianco's outrageous accusations show themselves in his expression, told him, 'I didn't start all this. It was her, I wanted nothing of it, believe me.'

'Prince, don't even try me. If I recall correctly, you weren't exactly panicking and pushing her off of yourself. In fact, you seemed to be _relishing _the whole experience, even returning a few of those caresses. Just please, make up for what you did and get her out of here before I _do _decide to tell His Majesty about your whole rendezvous with your naked cousin,' Bianco said impatiently and flew off to hide somewhere so Lalala wouldn't see him.

The Prince sighed in exasperation and feigned a yawn as he said to her, "Well, what you were saying earlier about meeting here for the dungeon trip—sure, we can do that. But, I'm very tired from rolling that katamari earlier, so I'd appreciate it if you left now."

"I can't believe you! Letting Beyond stay and not me? That's no way to treat a lady! Throwing me out into the cold reaches of space…alone…" Lalala pouted.

"Lalala, seriously, you came here alone in the first place!" the Prince laughed. "I'll see you later."

"Well…umm, Prince, you got me there. Goodbye, my tricky little Prince," Lalala said as she flew off.

The Prince waited for Lalala to fly off several feet before yelling, "Wait!" She paused in midair, and turned back toward him, waiting in expectation for what the Prince had to say next. The Prince bided a few moments, feigning hesitation before adding with a wicked grin, "Just be sure not to invite any cousins that would blow our cover, like Twinkle."

"Ooh, Prince, you're so impossible! Ugh, see if I ever talk to you again!" Lalala shouted in exasperation and left in a huff.

"Good grief, I thought she would never leave!" Bianco said, emerging from the only tree that grew on Planet Prince. "Hello, Prince?"

The Prince however, was not paying attention to Bianco. He couldn't help but let his eyes linger on her budding figure once again as she disappeared into the depths of space. He continued to look on after her, even well after she was no longer in his miracle sight.

"What'cha looking at?" Beyond asked the Prince, prying his head directly into his line of vision.

Forgetting that Bianco was around, the Prince said, "Ah, Beyond, just a dream that can never come true. A dream that haunts me, tempts me daily; a dream that wants me to immerse myself in its rapturous pleasure and begs me to escape with it from the confines of the everyday world into places unknown—to be free of my royal heritage and of the responsibilities that come with it. Unfortunately, Beyond, that is fantasy, and there is such a thing as reality."

"Well, little dreamer Prince, you better tend to reality rather than dwell in that illicit fantasies if you know what's good for you!" Bianco said. "Now that that harlot is out of our hair, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. I'm here to retrieve you for that wedding party that His Majesty is hosting in honor of the marriage of one of his own cousins. His Highness claims to have sent you an invitation to the party a few months ago. I expected you to be prepared, or did you forget about that, bumbling Prince?"

"My father never sent me an invitation to any party whatsoever, I would've remembered. And, Bianco, please, Lalala is not a harlot. Just because she's naked doesn't mean that she's promiscuous," the Prince said defensively.

"Oh bother, Prince, let's just lay off the subject of Lalala, you get way too touchy when it comes to her," Bianco groaned. "I suppose your invitation may have been held up in the mail; that is, if His Majesty even remembered to put it in the mail in the first place. His Majesty seems to forget about things when it comes to his very own son, so it seems. Well, anyway, basically, His Majesty decided to invite all of your cousins to this party with the exception of Lalala and Colombo. I guess he's afraid that Lalala will cause too much chaos at a party of this sort, and he did not want to ruin it for his cousin. As for Colombo, well, to tell you the truth, His Majesty had noticed that he has been acting rather defiant toward him lately. So that was the reason Lalala had to leave."

"Bianco, my father is crazy if he thinks that Lalala and Colombo won't find out about that party. What will they think when none of the other cousins are around for their nightly outings, or at least at home to talk to?" the Prince asked.

"Inquistive Prince, mere archangels can never understand the sheer will of His Majesty. We are merely his servants, nothing more, nothing less. But, if you want this lowly archangel's opinion on the matter, Prince, after serving countless Kings of All Cosmos, one such as myself does tend to see history repeat itself. Let it just be said—if Lalala and Colombo find out that they have been left out of this party, the night will not end prettily for anyone, especially not for His Majesty. Now, enough of that. His Majesty is expecting us, and if we are late, I will be the one who is punished. Beyond, Prince, this will be a long night, one way or the other." Bianco said resignedly. Not a word passed between Bianco and the Prince as each contemplated the upcoming events for that night; Beyond, however, gibbered as if he were in his own world, pretending once again that he was a melon-raiding pirate.

Will it creep anyone out that writing the whole scene between the Prince and Lalala turned me on a little? I hope not. The whole thing is a bit of a symbol of what's going on in my life (no, I'm not in love with a relative; don't worry, I'm not _that _creepy). But, besides writing out Lalala's dialogue where she's asking the Prince why he doesn't indulge in their feelings, my favorite part to write out was Bianco's reaction to the whole thing. My brother actually sneaked up on me while I was writing that part, and he literally burst out laughing. I think I have anonymous reviews enabled now, so even if you're not an author, please feel free to leave me a review. Just, if you didn't like it, don't just flame it, please leave me with a bit of advice as well, okay? Until next time, faithful readers.


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